Colorado

Chapter 1

It's the last day of my short stint as a waiter. Out of all the jobs I racked up, I'd say this has been my least favorite. It gets pretty tiring running orders to the back, to the front, and back again. The parking lot, occupied by the entire population of this town, presents me with the challenge of tracking down a parking space that'll probably be nowhere near the entrance. I have to unwillingly settle and nearly run myself to death trying to make it inside to clock in on time. I avoid being late, but I'm already disastrously ready to hang up my apron for good. It makes it easier to walk away because, as usual, I didn't make any relationships to warrant anybody missing me. I get hard to work before I let the day drag on any more. Mercifully, break time arrived, and you won't believe how fast I rushed to the back, away from all the hustle and bustle. I had 45 minutes to make the most of, so accordingly, I whipped out my notebook and got to writing. My referenced lack of friends, not that I needed any, I have more important things to worry about, inspired this: "Everything used to feel so effervescent. I'd eye the craftsmanship at hand. How exquisitely, precisely put together. Doomingly, it was my mistake to think it could last forever. I gathered my things in the wrong order after so much had already vanished. I looked at everything so skewed that I began to feel everything we'd been through was nothing more than misplaced faith. I ignored the little fragments of resoluteness within myself. I put parts of myself to the side. I longed for a new viewpoint to which I could abide. So, I went through a cathartic change. No longer would I listen to the reasons I used to pull from. I'd act the opposite of my makeup as a person. I used to decorate my world with positives and pleasantries. Unsurprisingly, It got replaced by hatred for what I let happen. Looking through my vindictive lens, I put together a list. I desperately tried to find someone or something to pin the blame on other than myself. Defyingly, I searched out a band of fellow misfits to keep me from spilling any more of my sanity. I came upon a pier of tall-standing personalities. With realization, I jumped on this opportunity and took the plunge. A quintessential crew of companions I finally had. You kept me afloat, convinced there were intentions of staying within my grasp. In the conception of this plan, I envisioned where I could discard my troubles and enjoy the spoils of my efforts accordingly. Disorderly, funny enough, you started to shrug me off. I was still not bold enough to keep your attention locked." Before I knew it, I only had five more minutes of temporary freedom. I'd ask for more time, but I'd waste it needlessly strategizing some more. How can I be so good at what I do and even better at stressing and gutting out every little bit of my enjoyment? "Man," I think to myself, "I sure do know how to make a scene in my head." "Let's be real. No one will care or even bat an eye at you walking out that door". "They never do." "They never will." That's my usual break routine, lots of overthinking and next-to-no relaxation. If I didn't have my headphones to put on and escape the madhouse-type sounds bursting through the shoddy break room door, I could hardly fathom the added lackluster vibes to an already sad recital. I head to the front, clock back in, and get on with the rest of my shift. Only a couple more hours, and I'll be well on my way to my next grind. Who knew a two-week notice could feel like a lifetime? Finally, it was time to get in my car and drive home. "Where to next?" I ask myself, figuratively speaking. I'd have a much more rewarding list of options if I went to college. More so than lining up unsuspecting customers for a perfect sales pitch. "How are you doing today?" Good?" "Good!" "We have a huge special going on right now." "One free appetizer on any entree to go." I don't know if the fine people at Flavorful Frontiers were sure what they were doing. I questioned them anyway about how little they paid me. But then again, maybe not. After all, a lack of further education was far from my biggest flaw currently. Also, we don't even have a college here in the small town of Desperation, Colorado. I've never been bold enough to even think of braving the great outdoors of college. I'd get chewed up and spit back out in a second. I spent enough nights bracing myself for the worst throughout high school anyway. Plus, if I leave, who will help my dad? With my mom being out of the picture since my mentioned high school days, it's just been me and him. What can I say about my dad? That's easy: he's been my biggest supporter. When I don't have the answers, I look to him. As long as he's right by my side, I have nothing to worry about. I can be under siege from angles and still, with his aid, find a way out. I wish I could find a steady, better-paying job to help him more. I keep running through jobs like crazy. It's just no fun doing what's required. I work hard and put my best foot forward, but I always get burnt out. What I'd love to do is sing. I've been writing songs for as long as I can remember. One problem is I'm too nervous to put myself out there. It's probably cost me lots of opportunities, but it's just something I haven't been able to get over. I still have a letter from my English teacher addressed to my dad saying I had serious talent. In poetry, that is, we had some people come in and share some spoken word poetry one day. As an assignment, we had to do our own. That's what led to the poem that impressed my teacher so much. I got invited to an after-school creative writing club. I didn't do it for reasons I've expressed, but I wish I did. Since then, I've continued to write, waiting for my next opportunity. At the very least, maybe I can be a successful songwriter. You don't get many chances to hit it big in a town aptly named for its lack of glitz and glamour and prospect for superstardom. Desperation has plenty of cool and unique spots to hang out and contemplate life, being surrounded and tucked away between beautiful, gigantic mountains, but other than that, there just isn't much at all. You're in a world of your own here whether you like it or not. Inevitably, I pulled into the driveway of my apartment building, not high on aesthetic, one small cry away from a cheap motel room. The only redeeming quality is its short distance to the Pioneer Pavilion, a small but energetic place for local bands to showcase their talent. I've always dreamed of being a part of the festivities one day. It might not be a world-famous arena, but it was about as big as you'll get in this town. There were nights I parked my car outside the Pavillion to hear the performances. I heard them anyway from my apartment, but the combination of good music, energy, and the brisk mid-summer Colarado air couldn't be beat. It was late, and I was ready to relax and enjoy a carefree night before it's back to the time-crunch job search tomorrow. I immediately run a well-deserved shower and put on some more comfortable clothes. I throw on my headphones, this time in peace rather than necessity, and lie on my back in bed, looking up at the ceiling, soaking in the satisfaction.