The Roses Once Bloomed

Thomas

Chapter Eleven

I am startled awake from my possessive dreams in which I hold Avery close and do not care about Daniel's outlook on our relationship. I hold her to my chest, our hearts hugging one another, I just know she feels the same. Fuck! I roll myself out of bed, if I don't move now I will never be over the girl I met yesterday! What the hell is going on with me, I feel as though I am going insane. In a rush, I gather all of my clothes that I will need for my short trip, slightly underpacking due to the intensity of wanting to get out of here and also with having a washer available at home. Within a matter of ten minutes, all of the essentials are packed. I check the time and it reads 12:05, lunchtime for some. With bags in my hand, yesterday's clothes still clinging to me I head out the door. I have left my side of the room a mess. Daniel has always been more of the clean freak. I remember the times when we first met, he would throw judging eyes at the pile of clothes I would leave on the floor. It soon became a habit of mine to tidy up after myself, call it an only child trait, call it laziness; I got better over time. Thanks to him I became a hell of a lot better in many things such as paying attention in class and getting better grades. He sat me down one day and said "Look buddy, you need to crack down with this work. This is the serious stuff and you need to be serious," It wasn't his words that got me the most but more the pleading look in his eyes. We became closer in that moment, more than dorm mates, more than friends, soul brothers. My chest pains me as I relive our fondest memory, practically our first memory. I know that I am making the right decision walking away for a while but even that pains me. None of the choices I've made since yesterday have benefited anyone. I only need to take a bus and then hop onto a train to get back to my parents, as I head towards the bus stop I try to not scan the area; meeting Avery's eyes right now would break me. The last thing I heard from her was sobs, painful, heartfelt sobs. How can I look into those beautiful eyes again knowing I caused them? I wish I never met her, I wish she never come here! WHAT AM I DOING? What am I even saying? Of course, she deserves to be here, I pursued her, and I followed her into that closet that day. I flirted, I played around, I schemed. It is all on me.

The bus stop is in sight and luckily no one I know is. The bus timetable shows it will be around ten minutes before it's due, the air is damp from overnight rain and the seat at the bus stop holds droplets atop it. I stand with my bag, not risking putting it down, causing it to get wet. Moments pass and regret sinks in, what if this is not the best idea? I turn to look at the campus, a haze lies heavy in the air, and students flutter from building to building. I look around and my eyes land upon a brunette, average height. I blink to clear my vision, to focus better, and as I open them she's gone. I wonder if it was even her. I turn back around, focus on the road, and wait for the bus. This is the right choice. If I say it enough, it'll feel it. The bus soon pulls in.

"Where to?" The driver asks.

"Train station please," I respond to him cooly, he nods and I walk to my seat. I wonder if he was ever in such a situation that he had to walk away from his place of study due to a longing of the heart. Perhaps not, not everyone goes through the same circumstances. I hope he has a lovely wife at home, that it was love at first sight and they are happy. Once sat I sulk into the seat, sleep lying heavy on my eyelids. I slip on my headphones and play some music to keep me awake, the last thing I want to do is miss my stop. The worst possible song comes on after a few have played, after I have settled into the journey and have begun tracing the rainlines down the window. The Night We Met by Lord Huron fills my ears. The ohs fill not only my ears but my heart, it sinks at the introduction. Abruptly I skip it, I cannot deal with it right now. I cannot picture her. With a quick flash, the dull bus lights up.

"This is your stop pal," the driver calls. I hadn't realised the time had passed so fast, with my music on and the rain setting the tone. I get up and gather my stuff, music paused as I thank the driver. "Hope you don't mind me saying kid, but whatever is troubling you. It ain't worth it," he says as I smile weakly at him. The only problem is he's wrong, she is worth it. I make my way over the road, the rain threatens to fall in the clouds above. Soon enough I'm at the platform for my train, being further away from the campus I can't tell whether the pain is easing. I have lied to my best friend, risked hurting him and have hurt Avery in the space of a day, it is something I cannot lightly escape. My phone buzzes in my pocket as my train pulls in, I hope it is my mum checking in on my journey but as I sit in my seat and check it I see my demons have followed me.

'I hope your journey is going well, came back from studying and you are up and gone. Have a nice time at your parents' Daniel, sweet, caring Daniel.

'Nearly there, just on the train. Thank you, I'll pass over your love' I promptly reply, the last thing I want to do is worry him.

'Appreciate it' is all he replies, I can tell something is up but don't press him to find out what. Without thinking I text the last person I should be texting.

'Hey, sorry to bother you. Is Daniel okay?' I hit send before I realised my mistake. I texted Avery, I just can't help myself when it comes to this girl! I begin to wonder if she even knows that I'm gone, would Daniel have reason to tell her? Probably not, do I mention that? God, now my head is full of questions and fear of whether she will respond or not.

'What makes you think something is up? Isn't he with you?' Avery texts back after a few minutes have passed. What does she mean by isn't he with me? I guess she doesn't know.

'He just seems off, I was wondering if he talked to you about anything or if something happened?' I respond to her, I can't seem to admit I have left her behind. I also can't believe I am casually texting her after leaving her crying alone this morning, what kind of a gentleman am I? A weak one that runs from love, my brain swiftly reminds me. I don't think it is weak but rather brave for leaving, perhaps, no, it was weak. Texting her was a mistake though, I'll admit that.

'He hasn't said anything to me' is all she replies. I don't blame her for being cold and formal, I should leave it at this and stop texting her. My fingers betray me and start typing a response, if this is how I can speak to her. I'll risk it.