Growing

Moving Out

I stayed in my room for days crying. I didn't know what to do. Neither of my parents woke up for hours, but the next day while I was at school my dad left. My mom woke up and was there when I returned, but my father was gone and my mom, too drunk to think of her kids or of anything other than her drinks, just pushed me away and told me to leave. Layla overheard and kicked me out of the kitchen and sent me to my room. I didn't listen and hid behind the wall on the stairs. I heard her yelling at my mom, calling her a disgrace and a horrible person.

"You disgust  me. You're no mother to me, and I will never be like you. I will be better than you, I will be more of a mother to these kids than you ever will."

I remember her promising to be more of a person than my mother ever was or ever would be. When she stopped and I heard things being slammed on the table and my mother crying, I ran upstairs to my room quietly. After a while of zoning out to be in my own little world, my sister came upstairs to my room. She knocked gently and slowly opened the door as she hummed a soft tune.

"Hey bud, are you hungry," she asked as she closed the door, a plate with mashed potatoes, steamed corn and a grilled cheese sandwich in her hands. I sat up on my bed, confused and wanting to tell her "No, get out" for yelling at my mom but my stomach growling gave me away. She looked so worried when she came in, but when she heard my stomach growling her expression softened and she smiled warmly.

"Do you mind if I talk to you for a little bit? I need to tell you a few things."

I wanted to tell her no again, but I was hungry and going insane in my desolate room. So I nodded and she sat by me on the mattress on the floor which I called my bed. She handed the plate over to me and leaned back against the wall. At first she said nothing, just looked down at her hands, digging her nails under the other between the nail and the nail bed. I didn't understand why she did that, nor did I care when my face was being stuffed with mashed potatoes.

"Do you wanna know why dad isn't here," she asked calmly, talking to me like a kid. Maybe to her I was a kid, her kid. Maybe I just was, and I didn't realize it then, but I wanted to be her kid. She was more of a caring mother than my mom was.

When she asked about my curiosity about my father, I shrugged. I didn't know if I wanted to know where he went or who he was with. I was hungry and alone and only worried about eating quickly and saving some for next time to eat when I got hungry and enjoying my sisters company before she left.

"After you went to school, I went out to work," she began. By work, I thought she had an actual job, but really she was just asking for money and looking for a job to earn money to provide for us while Andrew went to school like I did. "I got stopped by police because they were looking for your dad, and then asked how old I was, why I wasn't at school, where mom and dad were. They bought me food, gave me a ride here, and then they found dad and mom. Mom was woken up by medics with medicine, but dad didn't. He couldn't wake up because those angels I told you about took care of him."

I didn't really understand what death was at 13, no one taught me and I was as smart as a second grade kid half my age, but only thanks to my sister Layla and my brother Andrew. I was told by Layla that angels came when people slept and when they weren't doing good they took care of them, leaving a doll of the person so smart people could take them to museums or to study.

"Did the police call the smart people," I asked through a mouth full of a piece of grilled cheese. Layla didn't say anything else, just nodded her head and I got my answer. It must've been hard for her especially since she used to be daddy's princess.

I didn't know how to feel about that either. I was sad he left, but happy he was being taken care of. I was saddened by my sister's puzzled expression. I reached my hand out to her and she started crying softly. She wiped her tears and told me she had to go do something. When I asked if she was okay she said she was fine, just something in her eye. And with that, she left.

Layla was the strongest person I ever knew. She cried in solitude and smiled for the world.