Lost in the dark

welcome,C4!

Charles and I came back home from school. I left him waving tara to his friends in the school bus.

Dad had not come to pick us from school cos he went to get my cousins and I knew he was to be back home late.

I zoomed off,to my room. It had been daggy for a while. I was going to share my room with Chris while there was a room for Christabel.

This is absurd, I thought. Oh Christabel's a female there's just no way she can share a room with either me or Charles, not at all. I waved the thought of dad's decision being absurd, it was rather going to curtail my privacy.

I loved being a loner, now I was gonna make a new chum. We'd spend thousands of moments together.

The idea of living for like eternity with my cousins was convivial. But, there was a spark of unhappiness that came with it. There also was gonna be another person —  dad's Chick.

Are they really enamoured with each other? Is dad gonna marry her just to take care of himself and us? I really doubted.

Duh! What do I care? They can go ahead and get married even without love. I shrugged as if undisturbed.

While I was tingling with excitement that my cousins would be moving in with us, I felt a sudden feeling of disappointment.  I felt that my bond with Charles was gonna erode, but it had never been any strong though. I felt I wasn't fit to be called Charles' brother. I had never given the impression that I'd got his back. We never had intimate moments together and the time I was realizing it, my cousins were to arrive.

Drat! Why do I always have to realize so much bad compared to good? I felt bitter.

Mum's leave was already beginning to erode everything: my relationships, mood, emotions,just everything, it ergo niggled me.

But maybe my cousins arrival would unite, rather than destroy our bond.

I went to Charles' room to at least have a conversation with him before my cousins would arrive. He was cheerful, I had wondered if he ever got angry,sad, moody or confused. He was equable and I loved that he was my brother.

Charles was able to keep a smile on his fine face amidst everything going on while I on the other hand got  saccharine too often.

I asked Charles how he felt about the new changes.

'What do I say? My feelings or opinion about this won't change anything. If Dad decides to do a thing,then I can only accept my fate and live with it till I have my own way around things,'

'So... You're just gonna do nothing?'

'Yeah, nothing. If it wouldn't cause a rift between us,'

Hmm,I would love to cause a rift,a big one. So I'll do  something,but what exactly? I thought of how sweet and pleasing it would feel to annoy Dad, I thought he should feel some pain too.

I left Charles' room and headed for dad's. It had always been open so I thought of something. I thought of stealing but what on earth was I gonna do with whatever I steal?

I'll do it, I decided.

Dad wasn't home till 6 o'clock. Chris and Christabel were with him. I thought I should stay in my room but Chris was still gonna be coming upstairs so I went down.

The atmosphere seemed convivial, dad was laughing already. Surprisingly, Charles was getting along with the twins. They all were waiting for me. I looked at the twins, speechless. I wasn't used to receiving visitors so I stood, smiling at them.

Dad broke the silence, aye, he needed to. He asked me to show Chris my room. Our room.

'Wait a minute, we all have our names starting with the letter ‘C’! How come? What a coincidence indeed! The C4,' I heard a hoarse  voice say. It was Chris. I immediately gave a wan smile at him in affirmation.

On reaching the room, Chris saw the bundle of naira notes on my bed — the one I had stolen. I searched his face for an expression, he was Startled. I told him the money wasn't mine of course. He didn't bother to ask me why it was there and I liked that he didn't. I wanted to just start up a conversation to shave away the one he started.

'Have you had something to eat?'

'Yes, dad, I mean your dad bought us food on the way,'

'It's OK to call him dad,I mean... You're now his child. So are we just gonna sleep since you've had dinner?'

'After I shower,'

'Oh yes. Shower. '

Chris was about to take off his clothes when I thought I should excuse him since he was a triffle  older than I was. Chris asked me to stay, according to him, we were going to be sharing the same bathroom for a lifetime, it would be unwise to excuse each other.

'Waste of time,'he said.

Chris took off his clothes, he took off his underpants as well. I thought I should close my eyes but...
What can possibly happen I just look a butchers at Chris in the nude?  I didn't care.

'How old are you?' I heard myself ask.

'14, why?'

'Nothing, nothing really. Just stupefied by how masculine you've grown due to puberty.
 
'This sight is erotic,' I almost said in a whisper.

'Did you say something?'

'No, no.. Nothing'. Am I stupid? What's going on? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! This is not good to be honest. a voice whispered to my heart — my conscience.

'How about you join me, have a shower?'

'OK,'

I took off my clothes and joined him in the bathroom. I noticed Chris was staring at me. I wondered what was going on in his mind, because what was going on in mine was crazy.

I've crossed the confines, trying to stop this frantic desire would not make me less of a sinner. But what if I die? Where will I end up? Oh of course I will have to rot in hell, yet, I'm not ready to repent. nice try God,but looks like you've failed in this one. Try again later. I lusted after Chris.

Dad came in to the room, he waited till we were done bathing. He must have realized his money was missing.

Now lets see what Curtis has done, I said to myself. Proudly.

Dad asked if I had entered his room.

'Yes,' I replied.

'What did you do?'

I knew what was going on in his mind: he didn't want to ask if I stole his money cos I'd never stolen his money. Asking me about the money would mean distrust for me and asking Chris would mean the same, even before he had arrived.

Such a difficult situation. Poor dad, he is caught in the trap now. I mocked.

'Do I need to do anything before entering your room?' I wasn't cloying, I was rhetorical about my question.

I knew I was culpable for dad's mood but who cared? He wouldn't dare to have the sulks 'cause we had new company.

Some minutes later.

'Jesus!' I looked at the bed. The money was not there. 'What if dad had seen and taken it? Drat!'