We don't talk about Jouno

Thirty five people

Fyodor Dostoyevsky was having such a pleasant day before the voice started playing through the loudspeakers. "Hello, ladies, gentlemen, and those who don't give a damn about the gendered binary." The person sounded like they'd just had way too much caffeine. Fyodor hadn't taken many trains before, but he knew this wasn't normal. Random people didn't just get up and grab a microphone. "I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but this whole train has just been taken hostage by the port mafia."

Maya sighed, and rolled her eyes. She shook her head, and the beads in her braids made a small clicking sound when they connected with each other. "Why can't I just have one normal day?" She asked someone, presumably God. Fyodor pulled on a strand of his long dark hair. "Maya? What do we do here?" He asked. He'd only been with the agency for a few months. So far, he was good at hacking, talking to people, and he had a small dagger he used for self defense. Fighting a full member of the port mafia wasn't something Fyodor was ready for.

"Not to worry, Fyodor." Maya said. "I've just used my ability to see what this guy is all about, and I can see that he's absolutely useless. However, he does have two accomplices on the train, both of which are much more dangerous than he is." Oh, no. Oh, no no no. Fyodor could do the math. Three members of the port mafia. Three good guys on the train. "Please, no, Maya." Fyodor said. "Can't we just try to fight them all together?" Maya shook her head. "We have to split up to fight these guys if we want to prevent the train from exploding." That sounded worse than Fyodor had been expecting.

"Okay, Fyodor, you get the bomber, while Jouno and I get the assassins." And with that, Maya and Jouno took off, while Fyodor was left standing there, wondering what the actual hell he was supposed to do. "Hi." Fyodor said. A crowded car full of terrified people stared at him. "My, uh, my name is Fyodor." He said. "I'm with the agency." That seemed to do something to calm everybody. "I'm going to go deal with the guy we heard on the loudspeakers." Fyodor said. He didn't think it prudent to mention the assassins.

Fyodor walked towards the main cabin. That was surely where the bomber was holed up. If Fyodor was planning on taking over a train, that was where he would hide. He stopped in front of the door, waited a minute, then tried the handle. Maya was someone who was strong and skilled in a fight, and probably would have been able to kick down the door. Fyodor...was not. If the door was locked, he would have to get down on his hands and knees and pick it. And also pray.

Luckily, the door opened easily when Fyodor turned the handle. The cabin was dimly lit, but Fyodor could make out the port mafia bomber standing in the middle. He had a long green scarf, a doctor's coat, giant protective glasses, and a terrible haircut. "Greetings. My name is Fyodor. I come from the agency." The bomber raised an eyebrow. "Fyodor? What kind of a name is that?" Fyodor tugged at his hair. "Russian." He finally said. The bomber seemed to think about it. "Is that like Thor, and all of them?" He asked. Fyodor shook his head. "No, that's Norse. Russian is like Perun and Velez." Clearly this guy had never heard of the gods of Fyodor's homeland. "Huh." Was all the bomber said. Fyodor has no idea what to do here.

"Oh, right, you're with the agency." The bomber said, as if finally processing that part. "I guess I'm supposed to do away with you." Fyodor frowned. "Why?" He asked. The bomber paused again. "Because Kouyo says so, and she's scary." That was a fair point. From what Fyodor had heard about Kouyo, the port mafia executive scared him too. "Why does Kouyo say you should assassinate me?" Fyodor asked. It seemed like a reasonable question.

"Because someone scarier than the port mafia put a bounty out on Jouno." The bomber said. Fyodor frowned. Weaponizing the port mafia against the agency made sense, but it made no sense to weaponize them against the hunting dogs. "Did they say why?" The bomber shook his head. "They just said we have to go after Jouno. That, and that I have to be on the train." Fyodor bit his lip. That really made no sense. "Well, now that we have the talking out of the way, I suppose we have to get to the fighting." The bomber said. Ah. Fyodor reached up his sleeve, and pulled out his dagger.