Life's a Little Weird

01.01: Human Flesh

"Listen, pep talk." Bob Belcher turns around, away from the storefront window, to face his wife and children. "Big day today." With this announcement, he strolled behind the counter and motioned outside with his hand. "It's our grand re-re-re-opening. It's Labour Day weekend, and it looks like Wonder Wharf is getting mobbed, so we have to—"

"Today is a big day for another reason, too." Lucia Belcher, Bob's wife, interjected in a sing-song tone. With a beaming smile and a couple of pats on the service counter, she continued with a humourous tone, "Don't worry, I don't mind sharing."

"Lucia, I'm in the middle of my pep talk." Bob reminded.

"Oops, sorry, peppy! Don't let me stop you. Pep on."

Bob responded with an unamused stare before he continued, "So we have to sell some burgers." A fart sound followed at the end of his sentence, but he persisted with his pep talk. "Every year, this weekend makes or breaks us." The fart sounds carried on as well.

"Who's farting?" Bob questioned, his tone laced with slight annoyance.

"It's Gene's sound effects thing." Louise, the youngest of the Belcher children, answered.

Bob's attention focused on Gene, the middle Belcher child, who wore his burger suit. "I thought that made you sound like a robot."

Gene revealed his microphone from beneath the counter, "It does robot voice," his voice sounded robotic as he spoke the words 'robot' and 'voice' into the microphone. "Laser sound..." a pew sound emitted from the machine, "and fart noise." Gene lowered the microphone into Louise's face as he pressed a button for the fart sound, and in response, Louise swatted her hand in his direction with an irritated frown.

"Why would you ever buy something like that for Gene?" Bob asked his wife, puzzled.

"Why wouldn't I? Three for the price of one, baby! It's a bargain if I've ever seen one." Lucia bubbled. "Plus," she resumed as she stood behind her son, "how could I refuse this wittle face?" She gushed while she squished Gene's cheeks with her hands.

"Oh, God." Bob sighed. "Listen. Your mother and I have to go downstairs and grind the meat. You know where you're supposed to be while we are, right?" He quizzed the children. "Tina, you're on the grill."

"My crotch is itchy." Tina, the oldest of the Belcher children, disclosed.

"Oh!" Gene and Louise cringed as they faced her, and leaned away slightly.

"Okay. Are you telling me as my daughter, or as my grill cook?" Bob questioned in response.

"Um, as—"

"Because my grill cook would never tell me that." He cut in with a shake of his head.

"Oh."

"Also, my daughter should probably not say anything like that to me." Bob pointed at Lucia before he continued, "Tell her. Tell your mom."

"My crotch is itching." Tine reiterated to her mom as she turned to face her.

"Oh! Come here. Let me have a peak." Lucia crouched next to her daughter as Gene and Louise gathered around and leaned over their mom to have a look as well.