"I'm sorry what the flying fuck did you ask for me to do?" Adam asked, chewing loudly into the microphone as he called Lucifer, playing Fortnite on his computer and eating ribs while he spoke to the fallen Angel.
"We already have a deal, blondie, I'm not running favours for old friends!" The crass mortal laughed, sauce dripping down his face onto the divine robes, which in and of itself was practically blasphemous, voice going up an octave as he said 'favours' and 'old friends'.
What the fuck was that regal little twink doing asking him for anything, especially after that whole extermination compromise they came to earlier!
"I know, Adam, but my daughter-"
"Oh fuck your daughter!" Adam cut the other off as he began to speak
"Wait-maybe-how old is she?" He asked, cutting himself off and slumping back. He moved to hold his cellphone up to his head with his shoulder so that he could game with both hands.
"Oh no you cannot have sex with my daughter!" Lucifer snapped "you? No no no-I've seen what you do to women and even if you were her age there is no way you are even going near her in person!"
"Got it got it, no banging Liliths lil hottie-Aw damnit!" Adam screamed out and threw his controller across the room as he watched himself die, the cheap plastic shattered
Sure he could get better ones but those cheap ones shattered so good!
"Are you playing that game you were just bragging about being so good at?" Lucifer asked
Oh how Adam could just hear that smug fucking smirk
"So what does your wittle Princess want anyways?" Adam asked instead, just wanting to change the topic
"She has this whole plan and-"
"Oh ho ho a plan, luci? I'm already getting some flashbacks to your pathetic little heart broken face!" Adam smirked "let me guess, she thinks those pieces of shit down there can be redeemed too?" He asked and ate another rib
"Just talk to her, okay, I don't want her spirits to be broken in front of the whole council."
"Can't you just break her spirits there? I mean if she's so damn young just tell her it's a stupid idea! I know how active daddy's been in her life, I'm sure she'd love some parental guidance!"
"Did you think my first thought, before talking to my daughter, was to phone you asking for a favour?"
"Was it?"
There was an uncomfortably long silence followed by some babbling from the big bad boss of hell that Adam tuned out as he conjured another controller and shoved yet another rib into his mouth
"So that mean you haven't talked to her?"
An exasperated sigh could be heard
"Yes it does."
"Got it, this post extermination video call will be just me and her." Adam smirked
"No." His tone was clear and sharp, authoritative
"Got it got it, I'll bring lute." Adam whined
"But what do I get out of this?"
"What do you want?" Lucifer reluctantly asked
"And no I will not be letting you have sex with my daughter!"
"DAMNIT!"
