IDYLLIC

< p r o l o g u e >

"To the people who never felt contained. This book is for you."

PLAYLIST ⏯️: CEILINGS

Snowflakes keep dropping on my finger tips as I am stretching my hands out staring at the grey sky. It's the first snow of this year but my heart has never felt this warm as I see my husband and children playing together in the backyard.

"Dadaaaa, you are cheating!" My eldest daughter says crossing her hands.

But the younger one keeps laughing with their dad, "It is not Dada's fault. It is your fault that you are so dumb!"

"Mommy! Look at them. They are making fun of me," Siena says screaming at me and I smile looking at her to give her assurance that I am listening to her.

I walk towards her and kneel down holding her hands in mine, "It doesn't make them any better if they are making fun of you. Just let it go. They are just messing with you."

I tell her feeling overwhelmed with how easily my youngest daughter gets along with her dad. He always spoils both of them too much but something about my youngest daughter, Wren feels different whenever she is with her dad.

Maybe it's because she feels how her dad cried when he thought she wouldn't be able to make it as well as her mom five years ago. Or maybe because my husband can't stop worrying about Wren all the time because of that one time, she wasn't breathing.

Eventually they are like a unit against my eldest daughter Sora and me. I take care of Sora a bit more so she doesn't feel left out.

It's funny how I call them eldest and youngest just because Wren was born after midnight and Sora was born half an hour before her. I think both of those days are the most precious blessings of my life.

As I am drifted in thoughts of the past, I feel him looking at me like he knows what I am thinking about. He has always understood that even though we used to fight a lot back in the days. I wasn't an easy person to handle but he kept handling my anger, my pains and my troubles very well. I didn't know he was such a perfect gentleman until he held my hand when I most needed him.

I didn't know he would hold me. I lost hope from the denials. But he collected my pieces once again and took me here with him at a place I call home.

"Sora, come here," he takes Sora in his arms and rubs off the snow from her brown hair.

"Remember, we are going to have steak for dinner? Don't you love it the most?" He asks and Sora jumps making him giggle.

"Yes, steak!!!"

I take a deep breath and sit on the ground full of snow understanding it's three of them against the world now. I'm just a part of it which makes my heart warmer than it was before.

"Willow, are you coming?" He asks me as Sora is in his arms and he is holding Wren's hand.

"In a minute," I tell him and he smiles nodding, letting me have a moment to myself like I always want to.

He closes the door and I still hear my kids screaming, jumping with him. Such a beautiful evening they make all together.

I fall on the ground looking at the moon peaking slightly through the clouds. Everything feels so calm and quiet right now. But something is missing, I don't feel whole anymore. I don't feel contained anymore.

How did it all turn out like this? Wasn't I in high school just a few years ago? Taking full preparation of my boxing tournament.