I need this.
I will only make this short, crying makes me look weak so I just tell myself to suck it all up.
I haven't told my parents about one of the few depression disorders, Autism and ADHD lately and it's pretty much getting worse. I still remember one of my sitmates being concerned about me and saying if I was fine. I lied, Really.
I'm so deep end of the sea I've sunken through it. One if my few online friends we're concerned and I lied. I'm such a fucking liar.
My brother mentioned depression as a joke but I took it personally heart to heart. I want to harm myself, Burn myself, Kill myself and so much more.
I still want to die but I have to keep on living. I want to look like I'm still fine but I'm not really that fine.
Being played as the victim for the classmates, I want to forgive but I can't get myself to do it.
I still watch videos and read books here in wattpad and my grandma gets irritated if she notices so I most likely try to cover it. I play as the servant in my family sometimes but mostly my little brother.
I'm so sick of life at the deep dark crumbling depth of my heart but I mask it, Nothing can possibly happen if I hide that right? But everything still happens.
A small mistake can lead to a big argument in my online friend group, even in the tiniest bit. I want to be honest with him but I can't.
I'm such a stupid little liar who doesn't deserve friends, I deserve this I really do.
I want to be brave and strong but I keep on lying and lying. I'm glad my relatives never knew about my health just so they won't be concerned about me. Even if at someone's funeral reminds me of my grandpa.
Just try imagining how painful it is to lose your family members. He passed away in my parents anniversary. If I could tell my past self and my actions just so I can restart all of my bad actions again none of those would ever happen.
I cried again and I wasn't able to suck it up. I'm so stupid.
