Then We Were Grown

Chapter ONE

NOW.

LÉO.

Tuesdays are our new Thursdays. We may not be in college anymore, but we like to keep up with our silly traditions. Which is how I find myself at the counter in a not-so-crowded pub on a Tuesday night—sometime after work.

"What can I get you?" The bartender I've never seen before asks me.

"Three beers and a Kir."

The guy behind the counter steps up and gets to work on the drinks as I take in the inside of the bar. Not much has changed since our college days.

The Alehouse looks exactly the same—except that the paint on the wall is now a grayish white instead of an eggshell white, and maybe the seats have changed colors. But the vibe is the same, melancholy now seeping through me as my eyes land on the corner we used to sit.

"There you go," the bartender says, pulling me out of my reverie.

I fish in for my debit card, flip it with my fingers and set it above the no-contact designated area. The machine beeps, the guy offers me a smile. I shove the card back to where it comes from, and pick up the tray our drinks sit on.

The warm spring breeze wraps me in its embrace as I step out on the terrace and find the table my friends are sitting around—only now they're huddled together on a side. I frown and come to halt, noticing the phone Lily is holding before the three of them. I take a deep breath and move forward, steering clear of the camera as I set each of their drinks down in front of them just as the bartender would have done.

Her voice hits me like a raging storm. Unforgiving and strong, unyielding. It sounds every bit like her—the cool tones, the way her voice picks up when she ends a sentence as if she's asking a question.

I sit down and close my eyes, imagining Charlie on the other side of that phone. Picturing her here with us, as she should be, with a smile on her face and a light shimmering in her eyes that I've craved to see for so long.

And yet, there are things I can't quite place now: is she happy, wherever she might be? Does she look like herself still, or has she made drastic changes to her appearance? What would it feel like to see her again?

I haven't allowed myself to check her instagram profile since she left. I tried, but chickened out at the last second, just as I was about to click on her profile. It's as if it felt wrong and at the same time, I had never wanted something so badly. But I needed to put it all in the past, even though I never could.

When the weight in my chest crushes my lungs, I stop thinking about her altogether. She wouldn't want me to anyway.

Still, as I keep my eyes closed and listen carefully to her every word, I wish for the call to never end. I want to hear her voice, every minute of every day.

"I've got my plane tickets," she says, and I can hear her smile. "I'm all set, just need to pack."

"OK, travel safely," Lily smiles. "Send a text when you're there."

Lily cuts the call too soon, and I find myself in an instant withdrawal, focused on the beer inside my glass that has transformed into a half-pint by now.

I can feel their eyes on me, and the silence that follows is so loud I might just go deaf. I know they're looking for any sign of my being annoyed by the call, but I'm not.

"What?" I bark.

"Nothing," Lily hesitates. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"