𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐥𝐲 𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 | 𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧✰

𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐬

(I wrote this whole chapter looping 'I should hate you' by Gracie Abrams)

Aria's POV

I laid there empty as the sun came up. I don't remember if I slept or not but the sun told me to get up and shower at least.

Hyunjin didn't come home last night. Is it strange that I was hoping he would?

I took pain meds to deal with the hang over, but I still felt the same. The hot water showed steam but I was still cold.

I read somewhere that after you loose someone you love your brain makes you think you loved them more than you did. Is that whats happening right now? I didn't know I needed him this much but I feel like dying. It was so perfect. I didn't have to fight with him. It was perfect all the way up until the end.

I could sit here and blame her. But at the end of the day, maybe we weren't meant to be. If he left this way right now, it's better than him doing this later down the line.

But god knows if he came through that door right now I'd take him back in a heartbeat.

I step out of the shower with a slight shiver. I pull on my coziest pair of PJ's and start my skincare and brush my teeth. I brush out my hair and throw it into a slightly messy bun for now. I still don't have my phone. I hope someone grabbed my bag on the way out I don't think I have it in me to go back to that house to grab it.

Part of me wants to get up and shop all my problems away. But I don't have my phone or my wallet. The other half wants to lay in bed and sleep all day. But it's hard when I can hear his voice in my head.

I close my eyes as they start to feel heavy. They were a bit swollen because obviously I have been crying. Closing them feels less straining.

I hear the door open, I must have left it unlocked. I assumed it was Hyunjin. For some reason my heart didn't feel so heavy anymore. The person came closer to bedroom door. The doorknob turned and I made eye contact with the person who opened it. It wasn't Hyunjin. I felt my heart sink again.

He had my bag in his hand. He placed it on the dresser and I sat up in my bed and watched as he came to sit down on the opposite edge from me. The silence and the look on his face spoke regret.

"I owe you an apology." He doesn't look at me, his face was focused on the wall In front of him. "I don't know if you even wanna hear from me right now but I'm sorry. When she came back I will admit I felt something in me jumpstart. I should have pushed her away but for some reason I felt something pulling me to her. I'm sure you know that feeling too." He looks at me when he says that last sentence.

I cock my head confused. "What do you mean?"

"With Hyunjin. You feel the need to argue with him and fight him but you never avoid him. It's because you feel it too."

"It's not like that I ha-"

"You hate him. I know you say that a lot. But I don't think that's really the case Aria."

"Ji, I love you not him." I shake my head a bit shocked we're even having this conversation.

"You might have feelings for me and I might have feelings for you but that doesn't mean we're meant to be."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I realized that I'm not the one who's supposed to be kissing you or holding you. Hyunjin is. And you're not the one who's supposed to be doing those things to me."

"I don't love him I don't." I say as silent tears fall down my face.

"Aria. You might feel that way right now, but me and everyone else sees that you don't love me as much as you love him."

"Why does everyone try and tell me how I feel? I should know that best right?" I cry a bit harder now.

"Aria, you've been in love with him since sixth grade. I don't know why it's so hard for you to see that. It kills me to make you cry because I love you too. But I can't love you like he will. He feels way more for you than I do. He confronted me yesterday and he fought for you, he cried, and his feelings have been eating him alive for months. It made me feel like shit because he's my brother I knew there was a big chance he was into you but I still went for it. I created this mess now I have to clean it up. I know it hurts right now but you'll heal. I know you will. I'm gonna give you space. I'll come back as your friend when I think you're ready."

"Friend? Ji I don't think I can see you like that." I feel my heart pulsate in my chest.

"It will be hard for me to. But im doing what's best for the long run. I know you feel like you want me right now. But you and Hyunjin have something you and I don't, I realized that yesterday. And you deserve to be loved in the way only he can give you."

"What about you? Us? You wanna give that up for a maybe?"

"I already betrayed you. I already proved to myself I want something else. We were a good match, just not the perfect one."

I shake my head. "I don't love Hyunjin. I want you."

"No aria." His voice was quivering. "I don't deserve you, and you do love Hyunjin. It will take you time to realize that and that's my fault, but I promise you it's him. I saw it in your eyes way back then. And I know it's there now."

"No. I hate his stupid face. And the way his voice sounds, and the way he talks and everything else about him." I wipe my eyes.

"I promise you that you don't. Love and hate are the thinnest of lines." He stands up and wipes his eyes on his sleeves. "I'll see you around someday. Promise me you'll feel better. I'm sorry I put us in this situation."

He turns away from me and pulls the bracelets we made on our first date off, placing them on the same dresser he placed my purse. He then walks out the bedroom door and closes it. I wait to cry until I hear the main door close. Once it shut I dug my face into my pillow and screamed.

Why does everyone want me and Hyunjin to happen so badly? I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.