Hate me - Walker Scobell

Two - bittersweet

A few months have passed and Moms condition is getting much worse. She's been put on a ventilator majority of the time only taking it off to speak and I've been trying to visit as much as possible but with school and auditions I haven't had as much time as i wish i could have. I'm on my way to see her, sitting in the back of another uber this time coming straight from school. When the uber pulls into the carpark I thank the driver and let myself out turning to face the massive hospital building. I move quickly through the lobby trying not to catch the eye of any familiar doctors not needing to hear how sorry they are about my mothers condition and beeline it to the elevators. I press the up arrow and wait for an elevator to arrive, as I'm waiting I can hear gentle music playing over the speakers in the waiting room. The kind of music that's made to be calming but is actually one of the most infuriating sounds you'll ever hear. The elevator dings at its arrival and the door slides open, I step to one side allowing a young lady in a wheelchair out before stepping inside and selecting level four. The elevator jolts as it settles on the fourth floor, the doors opening to let me out. I step out onto the shiny white hospital floors, the beaming lights on the ceiling reflecting off it blindingly. I move my eyes to check each number on the doors I pass until I reach my Moms, slowly I turn the handle opening the door. I peek through to check if she's asleep and notice she's been propped up against a pillow, it's been very unusual for mom to be awake when I arrived let alone sitting up. I start to smile at the hope that she might hold out a bit longer and step into the room. "Hi momma," I speak tentatively as I walk towards her bedside and take hold of one of her hands. She smiles inside the oxygen mask and brings my hand up in hers to lean it against her face, cuddling into it with her cheek. I smile sadly at the state of her, it makes me anxious seeing the amount of wires and machines that are needed to keep her alive. I turn my body pulling a visitor's armchair closer to her bedside and take a seat leaning forwards to rest my head on the hospital bed next to her. Removing her hand from mine, mom lifts her palm to gently stroke my hair just enjoying bathing in each other's company. We stay positioned like this for a while as I talk to her without response, telling her how school and acting has been going and how Edwin's  finding his job. It's as my conversation dies down that my phone goes off in my bag. I sit up off mum's lap and check if it's Edwin but it's an unsaved number so I stand up, "I'll be one sec sorry." and quickly step outside to take the call. I answer it, "Hi, this is Vega speaking." "Hello Vega this is Rick, I believe you auditioned for my show a few months ago." "Oh yes I remember I met with your casting director Denise." I respond, nerves flooding my body in anticipation, "Yes well I wanted to let you know personally that you've got the role!" I almost screech in excitement but then remember where i am and somehow manage to contain myself, "Oh my goodness thank you so much. This means so much to me," I hear Rick chuckle on the other end of the line. "You are very welcome, well I best let you go and tell your family but we will be in touch about when the shooting starts. See you then." "Thank you, see you." I hear the call end and jump up and down in excitement, I've just got a role in a huge production with Disney plus. Even though it's a small one, every second of screen time counts. I turn and excitedly enter moms hospital room practically bouncing off the walls in joy, "Mom you'll never believe who just called me! Rick Riordan just offered me a role in his new series!!" I squeal running over to her bed and folding over her bed in a massive hug. I can feel her chest moving rapidly beneath me and stand up quickly worrying I've constricted her chest but when I meet her eyes I see tears sparkling as they trail down her cheeks. A frail hand reaches up to remove her oxygen mask and her voice is raspy from not being used, "I'm beyond proud of you Vega, I just pray I'll be alive to see it." After hearing the harsh reality I begin to feel tears brimming at the corner of my eyes and my vision blurs at the tears threatening to spill over. "You will be momma, I know you will be. You have to," I don't dare pull her into another hug in fear that I'll only make her feel worse. Instead I turn my face away from her as the tears start to fall and I get my bag together. Wiping my tears I put on a smile and say goodbye telling her that Edwin is here to pick me up. I exit the hospital in record time and fall against the outside of the building finally letting the tears stream down my face as reality settles in. Time must pass but I'm too caught up in my own head to notice Edwins car pull up and park or to hear him race around the car to be at my side. I feel his arms wrap around my shoulders as he slowly rocks my body bringing me out of my head, "Hey, hey, Vega what's wrong. Did something happen with Mom? I'm sure she'll be alright, she always pushes through you know that." I shake my head leaning into his neck as I start to cry harder, my whole body shaking as I wail into his shirt. Eventually I begin to tire and my cries reduce to quiet sobs, Edwin hooks an arm under me and hoists me up carrying my limp body over to his car. Somehow he manages to pull open the passenger side door and sets me down clipping me into my seatbelt. My brain feels numb as I watch the blur of city streets speed past the window, I feel stupid for getting that worked up and for letting Edwin see me that way. I hate him seeing me break down. I'm fourteen. I should be able to deal with stuff on my own by now, but no, I just had to go and cry into his shoulder like a baby. We get home and I go straight to my room stripping down to my underwear and slipping into bed. I wrap my blankets around myself like a cocoon and  soon I've fallen into a deep sleep exhausted from crying.