Sandman

The moonlight fell across her hand, making the pills glow an eerie white. Her fingers flexed slowly around them and relaxed, making them blink in and out of her vision. The five she had already taken were loosening muscles and causing her eyelids to droop. She knew she only had these last three before she would finally be free. Be at peace.

Tears flowed freely as she thought about the events and choices in her life that had led her here. She had no regrets. She was looking forward to the silence. There would be no screaming dreams, no belittling voices. She would finally be free of them all.

GULP

The two pills sat side by side like unblinking eyes. She smiled at them and relaxed into the disorienting spin that was starting in her head. The whirling made her think of dancing and she let another tear slip as echoes of remembered music played through her head.

GULP

It looked like the full moon, she thought. She had always loved the moon. Constellations shifted and stars were always at the mercy of the clouds that blocked them. But the moon. The moon was constant. Phasing in and out every month but it always came back. Her fingers flexed again around the final pill as she inhaled deeply through her nose. She was ready.

A slim hand came into view and gently caressed the tops of her fingers. The skin looked almost blue against her own and it's touch was cool. Slowly it peeled back each of her fingers until her palm lay flat, revealing her little moon. Her brow crinkled with sluggish confusion as the disembodied hand reached in and plucked the pill away between a finger and thumb. The move caused her grogginess to lift just enough to realize that her final step was being taken from her. Her head lolled to the side and she fought a wave of nausea as she followed the hand up to an arm and then to a face.

Mismatched eyes pierced back from underneath a deep black hood. Strange silver shapes caught small reflections from the moonlight and drew her eyes down to lips that in another life she would have been happy to kiss. But here and now they were frowning as the creature held the pill up to the soft light, examining it from all sides.

She couldn't be mad. The apparition was her mind's way of providing a final checkpoint. A final "Are you sure?" screen before her file was deleted. She had to give her subconscious credit for wanting to make sure one last time. I'm sure she thought and stretched her hand out to take back the pill.

The entity noticed the movement and frustratingly moved their hand just out of reach. The nausea rose and fell again and she breathed deeply through her nose to still her stomach.

"Why do you want to do this?" The voice was deep and calming if edged slightly with bitterness.

She furrowed her brow in annoyance. "Why.... asking?" The words oozed out of her mouth and seemed to pool under her cheek. Coherence was hard with the previous pills hitting her system with full force. "Give it to me", she breathed in and out again. "I want to go."

The hooded face turned from studying the little white tablet and even though it stayed in silhouette, she could feel its gaze wander down and up her body before landing on her face. The beautiful voice spoke again. "Are you really sure? She said the same thing to you not too long ago."

She blinked slowly. "What?"

"Your friend." it stated matter-of-factly. "You held her even though she wanted to go too. Convinced her not to."

Nausea was starting to rise harder and thinking was becoming thick. A haze of a memory glowed dimly in her mind of holding her friend as they both cried in each other's arms. She had arrived just in time and had been able to see her friend safely to a doctor. They had talked just yesterday and were doing well.

She grimaced at the hypocrisy. "I want to be gone." Her lips slurred and could barely form the words. "Need silence." She closed her eyes. "Need... void."

The quiet that followed stretched to the point that she thought the vision had finally left. Cracking open her eyes, they widened at the face that was now level with hers on the bed. The eyes that stared back swam with colors that flickered in and out like tiny prisms. The face was so close that she could smell the combination of smoke and mint that wafted from the jacket it wore. Cold fingers opened her hand again and gently placed the pill in her palm. A smile now stretched those kissable lips as it closed her fingers around her last barrier to freedom.

"Then do it."

She smiled softly. "Thank you," her brow relaxed again in relief. Her disjointed fingers moved to place the pill in her mouth but paused as she noticed the holographic gaze staring back at her. She frowned in confusion. The apparition should have left by now. It wasn't that she was changing her mind but honestly she had never expected an audience.

Her fingertips pressed themselves together holding the pill tightly. "Why here?" she asked softly and honestly wasn't sure if the question was directed towards her, the pill, or the still-crouching figure at her bedside. Her confusion wasn't helped by the syrup that her brain seemed to be swimming through. She could tell she was reaching the end of the window though. If she didn't take the final pill soon, she would simply fall asleep and wake up tomorrow with a splitting hangover. But even knowing that, the continued appearance of the vision stayed her hand.

Its eyes widened slightly at the question. "I am here to witness your choice," the voice gently replied. She watched as his attention moved from her hand to her mouth and then to her eyes. They seemed to dare her to continue. When the stillness stretched, its eyebrow arched. "Why did you stop?"

"Don't know." She swallowed thickly. "Go away." She figured its presence was the thing keeping her from following through on something that not too long ago she had been steadfast about.

The warmth was spreading quickly through her limbs making her feel like the sun was warming her bones from the inside. This was the part she loved. The rush of warmth followed by the silence. Every time before this was like being an adrenaline junkie toying with a cliff's edge. But this time she was meant to be jumping without a parachute. Meant to feel the warmth and the wind before the silence and darkness enveloped her for the last time like a favorite blanket. And this frustrating figure was keeping her from that blessed end.

The voice broke through and asked again. "Why did you stop?"

Her eyes druggedly found theirs and the stars she saw were beautiful. "I don't know but you are keeping me from finishing."

Unblinking nebulas stared back. "How am I keeping you?"

Her nose crinkled. "I don't know. Can you go away? I only have a few minutes."

"And what happens after those minutes?"

She breathed deep and sighed. "If I don't take this last pill then I wake up tomorrow." Tears began to pour down her face making her eyes burn and close. "And I don't want to wake up tomorrow." The tears turned into sobs which racked her body. She felt cold arms lift her and an even colder embrace wrap around her, chasing back the warmth inside. Her head lay on an upright chest and the contact was like a cool compress against a fever. "Please help me take it," she murmured against the dark jacket that was now her pillow. "Please." Her voice came out soft and tiny as she felt the chest rise and fall. "Please."

"No."

The despair that wracked her was sudden and crushing. She had failed. Her unresponsive hand tried to strike at the figure but it caught her fist easily and gently wrapped its own around hers. Before the final strands of consciousness snapped she could swear she felt it lean down and gently kiss the top of her head.

"I'll keep you safe while you're gone," the voice smoothly rumbled. "But when you wake, we will talk."

And with that the last connection to reality tore and she plunged into the void.