SANDRAY/RAYSAND ONESHOTS

I don't want to, Ray.

Ray : OR DO I HAVE TO PAY YOU, YOU WHORE!

- Ray knew he is going to regret what he did to Sand, but why? why Sand kept on trying to save him, why Sand still cares for him? why? he is so cruel, he is a burden, he is a jerk, he is an asshole, he doesn't deserve Sand. even if he wants to deserve Sand, he just couldn't, because he will always be too cruel for Sand. Sand is kind, caring, and has a lot love to give. but Ray? Ray is an asshole. and Ray knew that if he stays, he is too much for Sand. Ray knew that even if he tried to be a "better person", he still don't deserve Sand. Ray kept pushing away Sand, because he wants Sand to realize that Ray isn't worth it, that Ray will only kept pushing him away. Ray wants Sand to give up on him, just like how he gave up on himself. Ray don't want Sand to stay anymore, because it is hard for Ray to leave Sand.. forever. so if Sand finally realize that he is tired of Ray, Ray would leave. FOREVER. -

- Ray drove off out of frustration, his thoughts is killing him! is he gonna die here? is this the part where everyone will feel relieved to see Ray finally in the coffin? will Sand be glad? will Mew be glad? will Top be glad? will Chueam be glad? will Mr. Pakorn be glad? that he is dead? will they be glad that Ray Pakorn finally died, instead of staying and being a burden all the time? will they be glad that they don't have to take care of Ray spoiled ass all the time? will they be glad that they don't have to deal with Ray's temper? will they? Ray was so focused on his thoughts and he didn't even realized that he already arrived at his haunted mansion. he sighed, he ofcourse expected that he will die because he was out of focus. unfortunately, for him God loves evil people. -

- he went inside, looking at his mother's ghost. "mae, even if you are up there i can still feel your disappointment towards me, i am too mae. i told myself that i will be a doctor when i grew up, but fuck i am only good at killing myself slowly mae. i realized that if i can't even save myself, how will i save others? do you know that i wanted to hate you mae? i wanted to hate you for making me feel this, for making me feel like i am unlovable, for making me feel like i am a burden, for making me feel like i am useless because of what i felt those days that you were with me, i applied it to myself. making me unlovable, burden, useless.. mae, why can't they understand that i am still a human? that i can still feel sadness, loneliness, pain mae? why can't they understand that i am not just an ATM BANK but a human mae, why? is it so hard to understand me? why do you have to suffer for your whole ten years, just to have an usless son? maybe you named me Ray, because i am too much.. too much that even you couldn't handle me. i am sorry for ruining your life mae, i am sorry for being a disappointment. i tried so hard. i just couldn't love myself. i just couldn't change. i want to be with you, mae. please, get me out of this place, it's suffocating me." he is speaking random things, random things that he felt. he didn't even know that he was laying at the cold floor infront of his haunted mansion's door. he was just there. crying while hugging himself. "maybe i was born to be dead too, mae." -

- Ray didn't even notice that he falls asleep. when he woke up, he is still there at the cold floor. "guess no one really notice their Khun Ray lying looking like a piece of shit in the floor." he tried to stand up, but is too weak. he tried again and again, until he finally suceeded to stand up and walk towards his room. he goes and search for his safe zone. blade, whiskey, pills. whatever that will keep him asleep, for a long time. he removes his clothes, pant, and underwear. as he opened the faucet. he goes at the bathtub and lay. yes, the bathtub itself is hard as a rock. not like Ray cares. he just closed his eyes. and after some time he looked beside him. whiskey, blade, pills. what is he going to pick first? ofcourse his beloved whiskey. he drank the whole whiskey bottle with just one gulp, crazy right? that's his talent. burning his throat with some whiskey. after that he takes the blade. he washes his arms and saw the scars, old scars. you wonder? why the heck Sand or Mew or Boston or Chueam or Mr. Pakorn didn't noticed the scars? well Ray covered it with some waterproof foundation. he smiled looking at the scars. he wonders, what reaction will Sand gave him if Sand accidentally saw his scars? will Sand scold him until Ray kisses him just to shut him up? will Sand ask Ray to stop doing it for Sand? will Sand hug him and kiss him just to show that Sand cared for Ray? or will Sand stares at hin judgementally? will Sand judge him? he doubted. ofcourse not, Sand wouldn't do that. Sand is so understanding. Sand will understand Ray's situation. -