RUTHLESS KING

42 BECAUSE OF ME

Stella
I take another sip from the warm mug and force myself to hold it together.
Today is my last final exam. Once I’d had free rein of the internet at Rose’s
and been able to check my email, I’d discovered I’d been accepted to the
University of Florida. Woohoo! Once I pass this last test, I’ll be an official
graduate, and I can escape to the sunshine state to build a new life. No more
Dad. No more debts. And most importantly, no more Luca. My throat
closes around his name.
How could I have been so stupid? Just call me fucking Lois Lane. I was
so blind to what had been right in front of me the whole time. Dio, I’d
adored Luca as a kid. He was my first crush. We’d spent practically every
day together that summer before Vinny died. How could I have forgotten
him?
According to Rose, psychologist extraordinaire, the memories were too
painful, so I’d blocked them to protect myself. Sounded pretty insane to me,
but it also explained so much. I’d felt an instant connection to that mobster
bastardo. I’d blamed it on lust because the man was unfairly gorgeous, but
at least now I understood it was more. Only a complete pazza would fall in love with her captor.
And that’s what I’d done. Tears fill my eyes, and I can barely keep them
at bay.
I love you. Luca’s words echo in my mind, the confession tearing at my
fragile insides. I’d never wanted to hear those three words more than from
his lips. But not then. Not when he’d just admitted to all the lies.
Dad had always blamed Nonno for Vinny’s death. He’d thought his
mafia dealings had led to the attack, and in a way he’d been right. Long
buried memories flit to the surface. The dark alleyway, the pounding of my
heart ….
“I want to work for Nonno too.” Vinny.
My brows knit as I regard my brother. Our entire lives our mom had
drilled into our heads that Nonno was dangerous. “You can’t,” I squeal.
Luca. A much younger version whips his head back and forth.
“Absolutely not. That would be the opposite of keeping you out of trouble.”
“But I want to be like you, Luca. I want to be strong and capable of
protecting my little sister.”
Vinny’s words encircle my throat and tighten, strangling me. It wasn’t
Luca’s fault Vinny died; it was mine. The only reason my brother started
following Luca around was to protect me. He wanted to learn to fight, to be
tough like him, so he could stand up to our abusive father.
Guilt crashes over me, threatening to pull me under. Vinny is dead
because of me. That’s why I’d blocked everything out. It’s my fault. I choke
on a sob as tears blur my vision.
The whine of squeaky hinges forces my gaze up. Rose saunters out of
the bathroom in a plush pink robe. “You ready for your big test, girl?”
Blinking back the tears as she marches closer, I gulp down the rest of
my coffee. “Yup.”
She cocks her head, eyeing me. “Are you okay, Stells?” Lower lip quivering, I clench my jaw to keep from bawling like a baby.
Rose has been the most incredible friend. She took me in without question
when I showed up at her door, teary-eyed and blood-stained. After
hysterically crying for hours, I’d told her everything.
“It’s my fault,” I mumble.
“What is?” She sinks into the chair at the tiny table for two and scoots it
beside me.
“That Vinny died.” My throat closes around the last word, and my
shoulders tremble.
Rose throws her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. “No way. It
can’t be your fault.”
“He started hanging out with Luca to protect me. If it hadn’t been for
me, he never would’ve been in that alley that night. He never would’ve
been shot.”
“Stells, Vinny was your big brother. It’s his literal job to protect you. It’s
not your fault. He loved you and that’s what we do for those we love. It’s
like encoded in our genetic makeup. Trust me, I’m a future psychologist,
remember?”
I appreciate her attempt to make me smile, but I can’t summon the
energy. Instead, I bury my face in her chest and sob some more. A part of
me realizes the truth in her words, but if there’s no one to blame then how
does something like that happen? How could God take away my brother so
soon after my mom? And on the same damned date! It just wasn’t fair.
Rose frames my puffy cheeks with her slender hands. “You think you
can hold it together for a few more hours so you can pass your final exam?
Then we can have a girl’s night and suck down bottles of wine and shovel
heaping spoonsful of ice cream down our throats all night. What do you
say?”
I force my head to nod. I’ve worked too hard to quit now. Just one little
test and I’m free. Rose helps me stand and with another tight squeeze, finally releases me.
“Give me a second, and I’ll walk you to class?”
“Nah, I’ll be fine. You’re not even dressed yet.”
“You sure?” She squeezes my hands between hers.
“Yeah.” I sniffle one last time and drag my finger under my eyes to
wipe away the remaining traces of tears.
“Okay, but promise to come straight home so we can celebrate?”
“Deal,” I mumble. Grabbing my backpack, I force my feet out the front
door of the studio, my chest a tiny bit lighter than before.
Two hours later, and I’m almost happy. I’m done! I’d officially finished all
my pre-requisites and assuming I hadn’t failed any of my finals, I’d be the
proud recipient of an associate degree from the Borough of Manhattan
Community College. It sure as hell wasn’t NYU, but I’d take it. It was my
ticket out of here.
Pulling out my phone, I shoot a quick text message to Rose.
Me: Finished! On my way home.
Rose: Congrats! Wine is chilled, and ice cream is waiting.
Me: You’re the best.
Rose: I know ;)
That dreaded weight on my shoulders doesn’t feel quite so heavy as I weave
through the streets of lower Manhattan. I try to picture a new life for myself
in sunny Gainesville, Florida. I’ve never been to the university, but the
campus looks beautiful with ivy-covered red brick buildings nestled within the swamp. I’m not too sure how I feel about alligators, but they can’t be
any worse than the rats. Or the Red Dragons.
My thoughts instantly zip to Luca.
The idea of being so far away from him unearths a surge of panic. My
chest tightens and I slow, reaching for my inhaler. For a few glorious days, I
thought he was my future. That the mob boss and I could actually have our
happily ever after. But he’d lied.
And I didn’t have room for liars in my life. The men I’d grown up with
had constantly hurt and disappointed me. Even Vinny, though of no fault of
his own, had abandoned me. He’d been ripped away from me, but still. I
didn’t know how to trust a man.
How could I ever trust Luca after all the lies?
And still, as I envision my bright shiny future in Florida, a hole burrows
deeper into my heart at that future without him.
The shuffle of approaching footsteps sends my head swiveling over my
shoulder. Two guys in dark hoodies quicken their step when I spot them. I
lengthen my stride, my eyes on the subway station at West 14th Street just
ahead. The streets are quiet except for the slap of the males’ footfalls on the
concrete and the increasing tempo of my heartbeat.
Shit. What now?
I finger the small cannister tucked into my other pocket. Not my inhaler.
Since I moved into Rose’s place, I started carrying the pepper spray again.
A girl can’t be too safe, right?
The blue line comes to view, and I rush down the steps onto the subway
platform. Three guys in red t-shirts stand by a graffitied bench. A familiar
toothy smile sends chills down my spine. Merda. Bo’s sneer only widens
when he catches scent of my fear. I spin around to escape, but the two guys
in hoodies block the exit. Feng, Bo’s cousin, and another guy I vaguely
recognize. “Where you going, Stella?” Bo calls out. “I’ve been looking for you, ya
know?”
I wrap my arms across my chest and glare down at him. From my spot a
few steps up on the staircase, at least I can look down on the bastardo.
“What do you want?” I hiss out.
“I heard you and your guido boyfriend broke up. Which I assume means
you’re fair game now?”
“I still wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot pole.”
A couple of his buddies snicker, and his cocky sneer curls into a scowl.
“From what I remember, you loved my cock.”
“That was before I had a real one.”
“Oooh.” More laughter echoes across the silent platform.
“You’ll pay for that, bitch.” Bo lunges and catches me around the waist
before I can reach for the pepper spray. His friends close in around me.
I scream and pummel his chest with my fists as he squeezes me hard
against him. He grinds his hips against mine, and his tiny erection brushes
my belly. Nausea sneaks up my throat, but I swallow it down and force out
a sharp laugh instead. “Your cock’s so small no wonder you never got me
off. Not like Luca can.”
A sharp sting bites into my cheek, and I let out a curse. That asshole
slapped me. “Don’t touch me!” I snarl.
“Oh, I’m going to do so much worse than just touch you, you little
whore.”
“Fuck you!” I howl then spit in his face.
Bo’s eyes widen, the tiny slits rounding to full, white orbs.
The sound of a scuffle fills me with a swirl of hope. I spin around, and a
familiar dark suit charges down the steps.
“Albie!” I cry.
Bo grips my face, jerking it toward him. He squeezes my cheeks, and I
let out another squeal. He gets so close I’m terrified he’s going to kiss me. Instead, his forehead rams mine and pain lances through my skull. I see
lights for an instant, and then everything fades to black.