A Snakes Crutch Book 2

Part 8: Cornish Pixies

Y/N dragged her feet on the way to Defense Against the Dark Arts. The rest of the girls had eagerly run ahead, all smitten by the self-obsessed wizard they were about to meet, and Crabbe and Goyle stayed behind to eat, muttering about not having enough time to eat breakfast in the morning. So y/n walked with Blaise and Draco, not excited to spend double class time with Lockhart.

"So why aren't you obsessed with him like all the rest of the girls here seem to be?" Blaise asked.

"Because he's an awful person. He may be able to write well, but if that were all I would be able to respect him. I don't believe he did any of the stuff he writes about," replied y/n as the group mounted the staircase up to class.

"Just because he writes about himself in his books, doesn't mean he never did any of those things." Draco was grinning, finding y/n's annoyance funny.

"Have either of you actually started one of his books yet?" Y/N snapped, then took a deep breath as both boys shook their heads. "Well, just wait. You'll see what I mean."

Just then, the three of them walked into Lockhart's classroom. There were portraits hung everywhere of the blonde professor smiling, some with teeth that actually glittered. Whenever one met y/n's eyes, she stuck her tongue out, or rolled her eyes. This made Draco laugh as they made their way to their seats, and y/n felt herself blush for no reason she could think of.

Sarah had saved her a seat and y/n hurried to join her as Lockhart came into the classroom.

"What's wrong?" Sarah whispered. "You could fry an egg on your face."

This only made y/n blush harder as she shushed her.

"Welcome, welcome. I'm so pleased to have you all in my class. I am Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and Five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award, though I don't like to talk about it. After all, I didn't defeat the Gadalough Ghouls by smiling at them."

The teacher winked--he actually winked--and y/n fought the urge to gag, as this professor had to be in his forties. Some of the girls giggled with each other, especially the Ravenclaws, some of which were hugging copies of his books tightly to their chests.

"Now, to begin class today, I thought we'd start with a little quiz. Nothing too difficult of course! Just to see how much you all know about my books."

Y/N was horrified. If she had known they would actually need to read the books, she would have done so. However she had thought that Lockhart was just using the supplies list to bring up book sales and that he wasn't actually smart enough to come up with his own curriculum. Y/N was more and less upset when Lockhart put a copy of the quiz in front of her though, as all the questions were about him, and not his books. Suddenly she didn't care so much about her grade for this particular test.

1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

Y/N guessed turquoise, as that was what color Lockhart was wearing at the moment.

2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

Y/N wanted nothing more than to write 'To spend his whole life fooling people into liking him' but, as it was neither kind, nor a good insult, she decided against it.

3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

Y/N, already impatient with the quiz, put 'Going five minutes without looking in a mirror, although now that I think of it, he's probably never done that.'

By the time the thirty minutes to take the quiz were up, y/n had a very short fuse. For some reason this teacher put her in a really bad mood.

"I'm happy to see that most of you seem to have read all of my assigned books! Miss Padma Patil even answered thirty two correct: I do think that the Banshee was my toughest opponent. Where is she? Excellent! You've earned Ravenclaw ten points! Let's see." Lockhart sifted through the quizzes and froze on one, looking shocked. "Miss y/n y/l/n did splendid! Nearly full marks! Although my favorite color is Lilac--I say so in Year With The Yeti. Congratulations, and I should like to see you after class. Ten points to Slytherin!"

Y/N's jaw dropped. He had to be reading the wrong name. She had answered every question with snide comments and rude remarks. There was no way she had gotten all of the answers correct. Although, maybe he was just lying to spare her from embarrassment when he inevitably had to ask to talk to her privately about how awful she had been to him in her answers. Or maybe he was just so thick that he couldn't sense the obvious sarcasm in her handwriting.

Y/N heard snickering from behind her and when she turned, Draco quickly tried to cover it with a cough. She scowled at him teasingly before turning back around.

"Now," Lockhart said, regaining y/n's attention. "In this class, I hope to teach you how to defend yourselves against some of the vilest creatures ever encountered. So be warned--You may find yourselves facing your deepest fear while in my classroom. Just know that no harm will befall you whilst I am present." Lockhart paused to lift a large and covered cage onto his desk. "I ask that all of you remain calm and do not scream. It might..." He paused dramatically before ripping off the cover, "provoke them!"

Most of the class broke into laughter at the sight of what was in the cage, but y/n did not. She had been studying Cornish Pixies a lot over the summer after finding one in her attic. Now that y/n could recognize magic, she had decided to check on noises from upstairs that had been bugging the family for almost a year. When she peaked into the attic, a large blue creature came shooting at her head, nearly making her fall off the ladder. It had ransacked everything. Christmas decorations and old baby toys lay everywhere. Since then, y/n had been researching how to get rid of the awful thing so she could go home and do so over the Christmas holiday. It appeared her research was about to come in handy.

"This is nothing to laugh about," Lockhart called, trying to regain control of the class. "Pixies are highly dangerous if not treated with extreme care! But fear not, I'll be here to help if you can't figure out what to do. Now, let's see what you do with these tricksters."

And to y/n's horror, he opened the cage and they all came shooting out, most of them aimed directly for a student's head.

Everyone dived under their desk to avoid the creatures, but some were still getting their hair pulled and their books stolen. A poor Ravenclaw girl was fighting being dragged out from under her desk by the ankles by two Pixies, and a whole hoard of pixies was trying--and failing--to lift Goyle off the ground. Y/N was perfectly content trying to dodge and ignore the creatures until one tried to pull her copy of Hogwarts: A History out of her school bag.

"Everte Statum," y/n screamed over the din. The Pixie was launched to the other side of the room and smacked against the wall, falling unconscious. She didn't even feel bad. She knew the spell would make a standing opponent fall over, but she'd never tried it on a flying subject.

After another few minutes of everyone cowering under desks or holding on so Pixies wouldn't drag them out of hiding with no help from Professor Lockhart, y/n decided she was done.

"Peskipiksi Pesternomi," she yelled, wand in the air. With a pop, all the Pixies were back in the cage, including the unconscious one, and students slowly began poking their heads out to see what had caused the sudden quiet.

Suddenly, Lockhart was standing, smoothing out his robes. "Well done, y/n, well done! Another ten points to Slytherin! What an efficient way to capture all the Pixies. However, that is a rather simple and obvious spell to use. I myself would have gone with something a little more powerful."

Y/N's fuse was lit, and Lockhart's flashy grin was the last thing to set off the bomb that was her.

"Then why didn't you Professor? Or did you just plan to let second years guess how to take care of them while they swung from the ceiling?"

Every student in the class had their mouths open in shock. Even Draco was surprised, not even capable of a chuckle. Before Lockhart could answer her question, y/n had packed her bag full of her books and left the room. Hoping against hope that she would be able to find Professor Snape and convince him to let her drop Defense Against the Dark Arts with Lockhart, she practically ran to the dungeons, even though she knew it would be impossible.