In which Lee Haechan considers the end of a relationship with Mark Lee and how it affects his world. He portrays their deep sorrow and desire for the person who used to be the center of his universe. Haechan and Mark's story illustrates the anguish...
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I watch our beautiful moments fade away.
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HAECHAN'S POINT OF VIEW
I was underlining your importance in my life since you were my whole universe. How will I survive now that you are left off? Endless memories that we value as time passes. Whether positive or negative, throughout our darkest moments, ups and downs, victories and defeats. We believed splitting up was the only way out, but we were able to come up with it.
My world constantly swirls in a sluggish pace when I'm with you. It seems shallow but it comes to a halt if you stare at me thoughtfully for a long time. I know it affects me differently. I was melting as quickly as an ice cream. Particularly whenever we engage in any physical contact, since I am used to being clinging to you. Sounds absurd, right? I am aware of this.
I am not interested in exploring different worlds and universes. All I desire is yours, regardless of how dark, dreary, or dismal it is. Mark, I won't dare complain; I'll give up my life for it. My greatest dread has arrived unexpectedly. This pain is unbearable for me. My head might explode from the innumerable questions and thoughts shouting inside.
Please let us rewind. Can we go back? I also wish to stop the clock. Take me even if I'm stuck in a loop. I want to be with you until the end of my life. Does it come across as overacting? Perhaps yes, from their point of view.
What, in my opinion, is the finest aspect of our beautiful memories? That's when I realized I was truly and totally loved. I constantly look at you emotionally, what's inside of you, and how you take care of me.
❝Babe?❞
❝Hmm? What is it baby?❞
I wrapped my arms around your neck as I stared at you directly. I could feel my heart again bursting.
❝Nothing... I was just– being sentimental all of a sudden. I can't thank you enough for loving me unconditionally. You take care of me like a mother, you are willing to sacrifice yourself just for me. This is... This is the first time I've experienced.❞
I can't help but to cry again. I'm so dramatic, I'm so weak. I was wondering why you don't find it like that.
❝. . . I- I don't even know what to do if you will leave me. You gave me the love that I was desiring for, Mark Lee. I don't want to... Let you go.❞
I felt your soft lips on my forehead when you kissed it, wiping my tears using your thumb. I am assuming that you find me cute whenever I am like this.
❝You taught me to open my heart, baby. And many things I found in you that I didn't see from my past lovers. You may not be my first boyfriend, but damn...❞
❝. . . You're the one who I don't want to lose. I can lose anything, but not you.❞
And that made me cry harder. I hate myself for being soft-hearted. I am crying even in small things. What if it gets worse?
I felt your irresistible lips when you pressed it against mine. I let you kiss me, and I'll never get used to it. I shut my eyes, as my tears continued to fall down.
My world started to spin at a normal pace. The kiss that I am longing for, even if we always do it. Your lips taste strawberries that I want to taste forever.
We lay down on bed, hugging you tight as I rest my head on your chest. You were brushing my hair gently. I feel so comfortable.
My home, my world, my universe, my everything.
❝I love you, Lee Haechan. I love you so dearly.❞
Hearing those words made me tear up again. You held my hand, as you interlock your fingers with mine.
❝But I love you even more, Mark Lee.❞
You showed me so much throughout the course of our three-year relationship. You taught in me the value of independence. Your love remained constant, even when I was ignorant that I was being childish and toxic. You inspired me to open my heart, mind, and eyes.
You were defending me in public while correcting me in private. That was always one of the most beautiful moments. Because it awakens me to reality and allows me to learn from my flaws. They, unlike other males, made their partners embarrassed.
I identified the end of our relationship as the most devastating thing that had ever happened to me. I am unable to celebrate Christmas and New Year's. We used to celebrate it a long time ago.
My world had been covered with ice and it was extremely cold. It will only feel warm if you hug me. My tears were always emptied, and I still want to cry out even if I have no tears to cry.
You came into my life, filled it with color, and now you've left. The space around me was returning to its previous monochromatic condition. You were leaving me in a state of unending grief and breaking down. Our beloved memories were going away.
