Priest (Camren)

CHAPTER 6

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"And that's my real sin," Camila finished. "That's my real shame. I can't sleep at night knowing that I let him—let myself—" She broke off and there was a moment of silence which I didn't interrupt, both out of respect for her and also because I didn't trust my voice. Her confession had been so raw—so fucking detailed—and I was filled with rage at this Shawn asshole and sorrow for her and also a fierce, unshakable jealousy that just weeks ago, he got to be inside her and he didn't deserve it, not one bit.

But mostly I was so fucking hard I couldn't think straight.

"I let myself come," she said finally, in a quiet, sad voice. "He is a married man and he cheated on me for years and he wasn't even sorry, but I still not only fucked him, but I came. I came twice. What does it matter that I made him leave right after it happened? What kind of girl still does that?"

I needed to say something, needed to help her, but fuck, it was so difficult to focus on anything other than the image of her face pressed into the seat as she gasped her way through multiple orgasms. I was going to hell for even thinking this, especially since I wanted to punch Shawn in the windpipe for acting on it, but it was almost unbearably sexy that those rough kinds of things got her off. Because they got me off too, and it had been so long since I'd had a woman whimpering under my touch...

You're no better than him, I castigated myself. Fucking get it together. Feelings, focus on her feelings. "How did it feel?"

"How did it feel? It felt amazing. Like he was claiming me from the inside out, and when he came inside of me, it felt like he was marking me as his property, and it was his climax that made me orgasm again. I can't help it—a guy coming is the hottest fucking thing, especially when I can feel it inside of me..."

My head fell back against the wood of the booth with an audible thud. "I meant—" I said in a strangled voice "—how did it feel emotionally?"

"Oh," and then the breathy little laugh, and then fuck it, I'd go to hell, because I couldn't not rub myself now. I was so hard that I could feel every ridge and slope of myself through my pants. My other hand toyed with my zipper as I stroked, trying to keep my breathing silent. Could I unzip myself quietly enough that she wouldn't hear? Could I jack myself right here in the booth without her knowing?

Because there was no way I could live without it at this point. Her words were carved into my mind, and they would be there forever.

"I guess it made me feel like Shawn was right. I am a whore, aren't I? I had a debutante ball and my family was listed in the Social Register and I have dressage trophies—but that doesn't change who I am on the inside. I think deep down, I always knew that Shawn didn't really love me, but I was willing to accept sex in lieu of love because I wanted that just as much as I wanted the romance, and what woman thinks like that, Mother? That I'd rather have sex without love than have no sex at all? So what do I do now? How do I carry the shame of all this while at the same time knowing it's a fundamental part of who I am?"

Shame. Yes, I knew that feeling; I was feeling it right now, in fact. I forced my hands to my thighs, well away from my erection. Concentrate, I told myself. And when you're alone, you can take care of your...problem.

"God made us as sexual creatures, Camila," I said, wishing my words sounded more soothing than they did. With my choked voice and barely controlled breathing, they came out sounding like a dark threat. A dark, imminent threat.

"Then He made me too sexual," she whispered. "Even now, I—"

But she stopped.

"Even now, what?" And I was using that voice again, and there was no mistaking the danger now.