Songs that hit uncomfortably close to home.

The 30th - Billie Eilish

There's a tw for this
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Sometimes, you look the same
Just like you did before the accident
When you're staring into space
It's hard to believe you don't remember it

     Although I do remember it well, I've stared into space thinking about it

Woke up in the ambulance
You pieced it all together on the drive

    My dad couldn't start the car. He had to call a taxi. The hospital covered the cost. The ambulance I was put in took me in the other hospital that day.

I know you don't remember calling me
But I told you, even then, you looked so pretty
In a hospital bed
I remember you said you were scared, and so was I

     They told me what I had. Despite everything else, my parents kept me close. I lost my hair. I believed I was hideous. They told me I wasn't. The day they told me, I knew they were scared. Scared of losing me.

In a stand-still on The Five, thought it was unusually early traffic
Usually, I don't panic, I just wanted to be on time
When I saw the ambulances on the shoulder, I didn't even think of pulling over
I pieced it all together late that night

     The night my dad failed to get the car running, the night he took a taxi. That night was a long, miserable night. It was really late. It was a long drive

And I know you don't remember calling me
But I told you, even then you looked so pretty
In a hospital bed
I remember you said you were scared
And so was I

     We all were scared. I kept strong, I know they were worried.

What if it happened to you on a different day?

     I only had a week or two left if I didn't go that day.

On a bridge, where there wasn't a rail in the way?

     He took a bridge near the railway to get to my room

Or a neighborhood street where the little kids play?

     We lived here for so long.

Or the Angeles Crest in the snow or the rain?

     The area was misty. It was cold

What if you weren't alone? There were kids in the car

     My brother vomitted in that taxi. I was practically almost by myself. I felt alone, even if i was being monitored the whole time and my mom was there

What if you were remote? No one knows where you are

     We live around 45 minutes from the hospital.

If you changed anything, would you not have survived?

     I debated. I didn't want to get up to the ER that day. I chose to anyways

You're alive,
you're alive,
you're alive...

And I know you don't remember calling me
But I told you, even then, you looked so pretty
In your hospital bed
I remember you said you were scared
And so am I

The diagnosis, everything. The night I happened to go to the ER...

Was
July 30th.. 2021