"Where were you all my life?" I jokingly asked
"Right across the sea, waiting for you. But you had to cross other oceans and go to other countries before coming to me"
***
"You're a liar Haider. A fucking liar." I said through gritted teeth. The wor...
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"How are you feeling this morning miss Kapoor?" The doctor asked as he measured my blood pressure, for the second time in the last twenty four hours.
" Fine" I told him. He lifted his eyes from the dial that displayed my BP, and gave me a reproachful look, that told me he didn't believe me.
" your BP is up from yesterday, but it's still low compared to the normal limit." He announced, taking the machine off me. " your blood work came back as well."
" what does it say?" Andy asked nervously. " is she okay? Is everything normal?"
" no." The doctor replied seriously, " her iron levels and haemoglobin content are both low."
" that's nothing new doctor." I said, pulling down the sleeve of the T-shirt I was wearing. I had to borrow it from Andy since I stayed at the spare room in their hotel suite.
" the solution isn't either, miss Kapoor." The doctor replied matching my tone, " proper diet, with iron rich ingredients and a little rest. That's all you need miss Kapoor."
" I eat what I want doctor." And I hadn't had a proper rest in years, if ever at all.
" that attitude will not work miss Kapoor. Your medical history shows....."
" that'll I die a premature death if I keep this up? I'm not afraid of that doctor, I'm only afraid of dying while my body still lives." And every single day in my life felt like a step closer to that anyway. Like a little bit of myself was chipping away and I could do nothing to stop it.
" I don't know what to say to that miss Kapoor. But I can prescribe you some supplements that'll help you. Take them if you want." I heard the rudeness in his tone as he said the last sentence. But I let it be, this was almost every doctor's reaction when I told them I had no intention of making efforts to extend my life.
Living for the sake of living wasn't something I was interested in doing. What was the point of adding years to my life when the quality wasn't going to improve. I could never live a normal life like most people, and yesterday was a big reminder of that. So what was the point of trying anyway?
" make the prescription doctor. I'll make sure she takes them." Andy said with an edge in his voice, making me look at him.
He was clearly upset about what I said, but I knew that the tiredness on his face wasn't the result of that. He had dark circles under his eyes, and lines of worry were clearly visible on his forehead. His whole face was sunken and pale and his eyes almost half-lidded, like he was gonna fall asleep any moment. Probably because he was up all night worrying about me.
It was always like this. I was the one suffering, but he'd drive himself insane with worry because of it.
It was also the reason why I'd started keeping my nightmares from him. Why I hid it every time I had a panic attack, or nearly collapsed from exhaustion when my insomnia took over and I couldn't sleep for days. I didn't want him to worry. Didn't want him to ruin his life over me, because my issues were already unfixable.
