The universe in your eyes.
I see the universe in your eyes every time you look at me, in every gentle gaze, in every loving glance, in every subtle glimpse you give me, believing I don't notice it, but I do. I can constantly notice that you're watching me with your soft eyes, illuminating your path with the gleam in them to watch over me better.
And you've done it again, I should have weighed the concern in that vigilant look you imbued in me with a distracted confession, I should have assumed you were afraid of something that could never happen, because I could never go far away without you... I thought you knew.
No. Yes, you do know, I've made it clear to you with and without words that I could never leave you, I can't stand being away from you for so long. You know it! Then why do your eyes beg me now?! Why do you search with such desperation to hold on to me when you know you have me?! You know the answers, but I can't understand the reason for these questions. You want to take us to a place that could destroy us even in senses we haven't admitted yet, in senses I'd like to discover between us, in senses that could make us fit even more... I believe that you reciprocate, that you reciprocate my feelings... You can't leave me.
-Oh, Crowley. Nothing lasts forever.
No, Aziraphale... I don't suppose it does... Now I don't suppose it does.
Nothing lasts forever, just as your books will fade to dust, so too will the time between us; like a flame extinguished without oxygen, my shelter will vanish with you and only loneliness will remain, the same that claimed me six thousand years ago, the same that pursued me when you were away and I thought I'd lose you, the same that now pulls me toward the threshold. Your anguished voice momentarily pushes it away and stops me, you catch me in your plea, you captivate me once again with your voice, with your eyes, with your entire being. But I couldn't return to a place where I know I couldn't protect you, and we both would be exposed and vulnerable... unable to stop the injustice they would inflict upon our existence. I don't want to lose you again. I couldn't bear to lose you.
I can feel the distance widening between us without the need to move, I can feel you pretending to accept this separation, pretending to believe that the decision is easy to handle, but you know it's not, and I know it because you openly conceal it from me, you hide in plain sight so I can find you. And I do.
I do it because you exposed yourself on this floor just like that tree in Eden. Tempting myself, I grasp you with my hands, and with my lips, I bite the forbidden fruit that God has denied me. And with all my belief, faith, and hope invested in this reckless and furious act, I try to persuade you to stay by our side.
Please... stay by our side.
Let your racing heart speak and release those loving words that I made get stuck in your throat. The first word escaped, eagerly waiting for the second one to be that four-letter word, hoping it would be that affectionate word that only you could utter, because it's the same word you use when you look at me and smile. But like a breeze through a field of flowers, your voice took away my faith with just seven letters that shattered all hope.
As soon as you ascended, you took away everything I ever had, left me empty, alone, with a void beside me that I'll never fill.
If only you had told the truth to me...
Upon entering the car, you're seated beside me. I'll drive at your pace, and you'll take charge of my music. A tulip watches us from the back seat, unable to understand our conversation, and then I return to your eyes once more, because in your eyes I can see the clear day and the starry night with just a furtive glance. With God, I had created countless stars, so beautiful, so precious! That I was unjustly punished to never be able to see them again, but in your eyes... I know for certain that your eyes were created for me, because in them I can see a whole universe. In your eyes I can see my favorite stars, and I can admire how gorgeous they are as you read, talk, have tea, and of course, when you look at me.
I brake to stop right where this all starts... in a garden, you hold a blanket between your arms while I carry the basket, as always, following the trails you leave for me. You spread the fabric over the grass while ducks swim on the lake; I assist you with a fold, and your hands request the basket from me, pulling out its contents. Nothing bothers us, it's just the two of us, and our voices synchronize in trivial conversation... I should have done this a long time ago. The sunset arrives, and we know what it signifies, but nothing bothers us, neither the rising humidity, nor the absence of quacking, nor the tenuous light filtering through the silver maple you see passing by. And if nothing compels us, there's no need to end our outing. And I think of everything that has happened and everything that is yet to come, and I am grateful that these new things happen in your company, and I confess in the silence of my words that, although I would love for the first thing I see at the start of the day to be your soft eyes and to hear your angelic voice, I am fortunate to share a trivial chat at dinner... while everything else, even the impending storm, seems not to matter. You notice the absence of my voice and the attention of my eyes, and with a subtle return of your gaze, I can hear in the distance a beautiful whistle, a nightingale singing, not there, perhaps in some corner of my mind, in some memory with you, because you can't hear it, you can't hear it anymore.
And I see the dark sky, hoping for your voice to come like an enthusiastic description of that fascinating glow spreading across it, but you can't speak, or see them, because you're no longer here. And everything ends just as it started, in the darkness where God let me fall, in the darkness you allowed to return, in the darkness hiding the tears I didn't want to spill out.
Now... all that remains is the longing to have you by my side and follow every trail you leave, for only then can I truly live, orbiting in your universe, sheltered beneath your wings, ensnared in your gaze, finally feeling the love your body emanates.
_
¡VAVOOM!
First, I apologize if there are any spelling and/or grammar mistakes. I don't know much English, so with (a lot of) help from ChatGPT, I translated my 'fanfic' so that other people could understand and enjoy reading it. If there's anything I need to correct (words, phrases, the entire text), I would appreciate it if you could let me know so I can change it and make the text well-written and understandable. Thank you!
Hope you liked it, it's my first 'fanfic', so if it's a bit confusing, I apologize. Sometimes I get carried away and write very vague things assuming others will understand what I mean. It's nothing very original, I like to write poems and I wanted to vent about the devastating ending we got :( so, here's the result.
Obviously, it's the first time I've posted a fanfiction, and I don't want to get into trouble because I'm already old enough to go to jail haha. So I reiterate, this is created without the intention of infringing on the copyright of the original creators (our dear Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett), the only purpose is to provide a small distraction in our everyday life.
I really hope you liked it, or at least, found it acceptable. I appreciate the time you've dedicated to this reading, really, thank you very much.
Elizabeth Daisy.
