Lazy Diet

Chapter 3

So I did. The next few weeks were a haze of feedings for Laurie. She was still drinking beer by the case, but I made a deal that I'd pay for her beer if she covered my half of the utilities, and then started buying her this craft beer that had no less than 450 calories a bottle. She went through two six packs a day, usually, so you can do the math there. That was just the liquids, though.

The best thing about this apartment, I forgot to mention, is that next to the complex there was a 24 hour McDonalds. And Laurie was obsessively in love with the place. She'd eat three McGriddle combos for breakfast, then eat an eggs benedict for a snack, be good for a few double quarter pounders for lunch, Big Mac and fries for another snack, and whatever the hell she wanted for dinner, 20 nuggets for an evening snack, and then she'd midnight binge from the drive-thru (with me driving, of course; I wouldn't let her get behind the wheel). She wasn't kidding when she said in a dream world, she'd lay on her ass and just eat quarter pounders.

Not that I let her only eat McDonald's, though. I varied her diet up with large meat lover's pizzas, some fattening home-cooked meals, and plenty of sweets. She got lots of ice cream, Twinkies, mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, and other calorie-heavy foods.

And man, I have to tell you, baby girl was a champ about all of this, too. An entire bag of potato chips an hour after she'd downed 20 chicken nuggets and a large fry? 'Just get the Pepto and give me rubs.' It's time for another meal-sized snack? 'I'll find room somewhere.' I'd never seen anything like it. She wasn't real.

But of course, all good things come to an end, and with Laurie, it was when her clothes ripped right off her fatter ass. Girl was normally so out of it she wouldn't notice if her gut was muffin topping, or if her ass spilled out of her jeans. Half the time she stayed home in her underwear, stroking her rounder body like she was Narcissus himself. I give her credit, she was legitimately disconnected from reality beyond what the power of alcohol could do. She couldn't feel her stomach, she didn't notice new gain, nothing.