Breath Of Life

I. pitiful eyes

The first time I realized that my Fiance didn't love me, I was quick to point out all the good that I felt would make up for it. The flowers, the special artifacts from his many travels abroad, the letters, they were all sort of a shield from the unavoidable truth.

The second time I realized my Fiance didn't love me, was during his far away travels, when the letters never came, and no more artifacts were brought to me with astonishment. How would I get by now? The loss of connection was still there. Eyeing me from across the room as if i were an observer of my own life.

The third time I realized my Fiance didn't love me, was when words failed me during our love making. It no longer had the same effect for him as before. I knew my boyfriend, from his soul outwards. I knew his wants, his dislikes, his needs, and his dreams. I knew what he desired most, had to have been me. But boy was I wrong.

There wasn't a fourth time once I found out that he would be away. Except this time, he'd be gone for a year. The closer I tried to go to find his affections, the further he would go to be away from me. coward. At times I didn't know if my mind would chant the direct insult to me.

A coward for not being able to leave.

"Y/n. Have you found my scrolls. I set them down in my office and I can't seem to discern which pile they were placed in." Armin spun around me to the ridiculously high pile of scrolls, unraveling each one, and dropping them. careless.

Sometimes I wonder if he cares more about these scrolls than about me. "Y/n!" I jumped, the shrill thunder of his voice clearly down the hall. "They've already been placed in luggage on your carriage, my love." Disgusting. The nickname tasted bitter on my tongue. The mention of each word a weight on my tongue.

As we walked to the door, my soon to be husband glanced around the house in all of its stone galore, taking in the memory of it before he is gone to the sea. "My achievements are the greatest things I have." I nodded, although I didn't think to ask what his words meant. "Promise me you'll look after my scrolls while i'm gone." Those old things? "I still wonder why you haven't disposed of them."

Armin's eyes furrowed together, his eyes squinting while he faced me. Trying to read whether I would really say such a thing. But i've played this game before. And I know he can no longer read me.

He stared for a few minutes, leaving me unsure of what I should be expecting. Those pitiful blue eyes, all wrapped up in deceit and the ocean. I couldn't look away. A few breaths, and my eyes started to focus on his lips, lonely. and my own, desperate.

Was I really contemplating a kiss?
No. I haven't gotten one of those in two years.

"Will that be all?" I asked, trying to push the silence along. To drown the uncanny feeling I felt in my gut whenever I envisioned his departure time after time. "Yes," He smoothed out his tunic, eyes closing as if he were in prayer, before he turned to the door. "..Goodbye then?"

coward.

"Goodbye." And the door was finally opened. With nothing but the wind being left behind once it was closed.