BORN TO BE A LOCKMASTER, FORCED TO BE A KING

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by forthepepples

by forthepepples

(side note he actually liked locks SO THIS IS HISTORICALLY ACCURATE)

i am in this huge huge hall and all i can see is myself (Hall of Mirrors at Versailles people) I AM TO BE MARRIED TO MARIE. i don't know her, all i know is that she's Austrian, she ain't even a pure french aristocrat. how will we even communicate? does she even speak the language of the world (french)? does she know that i am king? (florence and the machines historically accurate reference cause louis was a huge fan)

i check my watch, yes that's right, the year is 1770 and i am 14 years old getting married because that's what we do in france.

suddenly, a loud boom that can be felt as a 1.6 earthquake on a seismograph, and in walks Marie Antoinette and her entourage. she is all but 13 with the most outrageous hair ever, like girl that is a bouffant.

i haven't even noticed but a priest has arrived and apparently we're getting married like right now. she walks up to me,
"hello," she says in an austrian accent
"ello" i say in a french accent
the priest speaks up,
"oh la la do you mizter louis take mizz marie asz your beloved wife?"
i hesitate, "i do"
"and marie, oh la la, do you take mizter louis to be your lawfully wedded huzband, oh la la?"
"i do"
"AHHH BUT YOU ARE NOW MARRIED"

i can't believe it, i'm married, i can't even tie my shoelaces properly and i'm married. oh la la.

five years later

*medieval 50 CENT, In Da Club playing in tbe background* (again, historically accurate)
today i am to be coronated as king. i'm shitting my pants (literally BECAUSE IM STILL A CHILD)

marie is my friend. she's odd
i don't like being married, i should be doing what teenagers do in 16th century France.

that very much aside, i must prepare to be coronated, i am king (again, florence and the machines lover in louis here)

they could at least have the common decency to make the crown a bit more comfortable on the head.
anyway, i'm now officially king (woo) and so i must go do kingly duties (whatever that entails)