Warm Bodies (Herobrine X Entity303)

chapter 8

it might be apparent ive never been to a psych ward (although i should), these regulations were the result of memory from peoples accounts of a psych ward, googling what a psych ward is like, and other general reasonable safety rules so if im wrong then thats my bad

The psych ward room was much the same as the hospital room in its blandness and lifeless feel. Understandable, in a way it's just another type of hospital. The major differences here were the bolted windows, shower heads held onto the ceiling magnetically so as to not allow any hangings, no privacy, no hot water, no electricity sockets, but also no glaring buzzing fluorescent lights. A simple halogen bulb, protected behind a thick dome of glass for obvious reasons. Null had brought a bag of some regulation-approved psych clothes, and some charcoal and paper for drawing, some books, mundane shit like that. Nothing sharp, though. No music. No weed. For the first few days, I was told, a nurse would stay with me 24/7 to make sure I don't try anything. Too many rules, they're trying too hard. I'm getting out of here regardless.

As was to be expected, the meals were bland and lukewarm, much the same as the hospital food. The sheets were knitted and woolen, to prevent self-suffocation, but that meant they were scratchy and uncomfortable. Shit bed meant shit sleep, which for someone like me meant hallucinations and paranoia and daytime fainting. Not ideal, although extremely ironic that a psych ward's conditions would worsen psych symptoms. On top of all this, I would be surrounded by people like me, who have issues with wrist slitting, so it was required of me to wear long sleeves full time and to not expose my arms to any other inmates - otherwise known as patients - which meant rubbing against the loosely bandaged stitches, which would get annoying.

Herobrine stayed with me, from when I was moved to about 8pm, to help me relax whilst getting settled in. He told me I'd be out of here in the blink of an eye, and to not think too hard about anything, which was a lot less reassuring than he thought it'd be. Null stayed for a short while too, and they left at about 7, giving the two of us an hour of time alone, with a peeping nosy nurse of course.

"Trust me, Entity. You'll be out of here in no time, it'll fly by."

"Easy for you to say," I scoffed. "You're not the one being shackled. Besides, I'm here against my will, but you weren't."

"Try not to think of this place as a prison. These people are here to get you better."

"That's what prison guards tell themselves so they can pretend they aren't accountable for the systemic abuse and exploitation that happens in prisons. A reminder, as I may or may not have mentioned, I'm here against my will."

"You aren't in a healthy state of mind, you can't decide what will help you get better while your mental state is so destroyed. A reminder for you, Entity, you tried to open your wrists in a bathtub."

I had no retort.

"Look, I'll be here, I'm just a fifteen minute drive away. You can ask for a phone call, anytime you need, I'll come see you. And, I can visit you for an hour once a week. You'll be fine."

"For someone who's so dedicated to this place being a good place for me to be in, you sure are trying awfully hard to convince me of something you don't sound so sure about. Why do you sound like you're trying to convince yourself more than convince me?"

"Entity, in your state-"

"Stop talking to me like I've caught a disease or I'm braindead. There is no state, there's nothing new here. This, what you're seeing, this is how I always am. This is how my brain works every minute of every day, you've just never seen the extent of it before."

He fell silent, simply staring at me. His eyes wandered around the room, as if trying to think of a response. I felt bad for snapping at him.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I... didn't mean to snap. I'm trying to hold it together, I really am."

"...So am I. I don't want you to feel imprisoned, but I can't let you loose and unsupervised. I don't want you to hurt yourself. I can't lose you. Not you too. I won't allow it."

I wondered what he meant by that. I assumed either he was madly in love with me, highly implausible, or that he'd lost someone close to him and felt at fault, like there was something he could've done.

"Do you really want me alive that desperately? If I survive will you be there waiting? Or will you run scared when you realise I can't be changed?"

"I want you to live, but to do that you have to survive, and this is the first challenge to that. Well, ok, second. I'll be right here waiting when you make it through this, and that's when, not if. I have faith you can do this."

"Best start putting your faith in the staff here, because if I manage to kill myself with their metaphorical cuffs on so tight, they'll have fucked something up severely."

He smiled. "I'll come to see you tomorrow, and after that every week. If you need me, you can ask to call-"

"Visiting time's over," the nurse interrupted.

"Ok, I have to go. Do some drawing, chill out. You can handle this."

"Yea, but can you?"

Herobrine grabbed his jacket and stood to leave, shooting me a playful glare as he walked out of the room, and down the corridor out of sight. This was gonna be hell, but I already knew that.