Perfect Decisions

3.

ILORY

The sky was a gloomy grey as it poured down mercilessly again, pounding against the ground my sister's casket was being lowered into.

She died nine hours later after suffering from brain damage and ceased blood flow to her heart.

They kept her alive as long as it was possible, just a body hanging on the machines though no consciousness or grand goodbye my father had planned for her. They had intended to take her to our Parents' place, where she grew up into the beautiful strong woman she was and to give her a completely comfortable environment and a heartfelt goodbye.

Unfortunately, the universe was famous for being cruel and breaking hearts. The vision they prepared for, didn't come true and she was gone sooner than expected.

I remember being frozen on the waiting room floor, incapable of moving, numb and empty. All the tears had dried crying helplessly while waiting outside the Intensive Care Unit.

I could not even feel my heart beating, it was that shallow. Something sharp was digging deeper down my chest, and I wanted to scream for it to stop, the fear in me was like I was being hauled into a dark terrific tunnel that would never open again. Everything around me was a shady blur.

My father yelled at me, blaming my appearance for her sudden demise. It wounded me to no limit making me feel awful for being the reason she was triggered.

My father had built up a temporary shade, and a special place for her grave where she would rest beneath her favourite oak tree at his place.

I wasn't allowed to attend her last rites, funeral or burial. I was forced to stare from behind the distance fence in the neighbourhood.

Despite the misfortunes happening, the only thing that was hovering over it all was the lowest whisper, that my heart and my mouth mumbled Yes, to my sister's final plea.

She gave me a weak grateful smile, squeezing my hand with the last of her life left, saying thank you over and over again.

I didn't know if it was the right decision or the wrong one, a wise or a foolish one, all I knew was my sister was a good elder sister as long as I was near her. She never fought with me over anything, even though we shared a room she didn't mind I was a messy kid who didn't bother cleaning her room and closet or whatever, she did. She always covered for me whenever I was out late with my so-called friends. Perhaps, because she was eight years older than me.

We weren't soul sisters kinda close, but I had a better understanding with her unlike my other sister Evelyn. I didn't see her today until the funeral, in her elegant presence surrounded by her security.

She was a supermodel and had her fair share of appearances in famous movies too. Except for me, all my siblings were my father's pride and honour, I am the complete opposite. A disgrace, a disappointment and the last child he never planned for, but abortion was a dangerous option for my mother back then. I was unwanted and unfitting in their picture-perfect society. I never minded though, everyone had things to do, personal expectations to reach and dreams to achieve.

Gone was the time, when people took time to spend quality time with friends and family, especially gone was the deep, real love that was one of the most precious priorities for people.

Everyone had a life to live, and I wasn't part of anyone's specifically not the alive ones though.

I clutched the bouquet of Franklinia in my hands, I remember that she used to buy it from the shop nearly on the other side of the city and keep it in her room every weekend, it was a rare one that time and she loved them. I wiped the tears that weren't just sour water flowing down, it was bone-deep exhaustion above all the only promise I ever made to my late sister.

I stood there until the rain was no longer dominating the skies, the clouds weren't roaring with thunder and the sun setting down was a clear bright amber.

The words said to me today, both overwhelming and stabbing echoed in my head.

You were always an ominous shadow on our family.

My father believes the good life is planning, and letting fate and sudden chances lead your life is a weakness. I was one of them, he hated that he had to accept the fact that abortion was no longer an option when my mother had already suffered from a terrific one before me.

It was only after I was born, immediately my parents concluded having a hysterectomy and vasectomy together within six weeks.

Evelyn didn't mind sharing that information with me when we were kids. She hated that I was stealing her spot as the youngest one since my mother loved me differently, I would like to think her guilt of wanting to abort me once might be the reason or another, I wouldn't know. She also disliked that I was born on the same day, regardless of my being younger and stealing her birthday thunder.

Daniella was the only decent sibling I had, it was only a matter of momentary support she didn't give that broke whatever bond we had between us.

I waited for the night to bring on the darkness, and for people to leave. I sneaked through the neighbour's broken fence only to be stopped by a low grunting of a German Shepherd, he hissed at me before two more behind him on certain spots started barking too once he did.

I swallowed shockingly, bolting away with shaky legs, sighing deeply when I made it to the back door of our neighbour's house.

I had a bad experience from a similar one when I was once bitten in childhood, I was fighting with his owner who was a bitch. He thought protecting her was loyalty, which turned out as a lifelong trauma for me.

"Ilory are you okay?" Mrs. Clinton asked a pitiful expression on her face as she cleaned the plate in her hand setting it down on the table.

"I'm fine." I stuttered out, "Thank you for letting me stay and watch at least," I rambled on as I put on my coat and grabbed my handbag recklessly making me trip on my feet slightly before I steadied myself.

"I made dinner, Harris will be here soon too, he misses you running around the house and coming to dinners." She says. I smiled at the memory.

Since my parents were not warm and cosy, my neighbour was my soft cocoon of a beautiful household. Unfortunately, after facing multiple miscarriages and their adopted twins dying in a school bus accident I was in too. Harris and Melody never found the heart to have another child. However, they thought of me as one, and I visited them as more of a family than my own.

One thing was more than assuring that they never poked their nose in my business, trusted my words, and always wished me happiness.

"You didn't have to," I whispered before sighing, I was leaving tonight so no way I could refuse and say another time.

The dinner was quiet and peaceful, I appreciated that they knew I wasn't willing to speak a lot and only asked me random things here and there.

I left with my hands full of boxes filled with her baked cookies, and a little heftiness off my chest.

Still, my brain was good at throwing me in the well over and over again about the ridiculous promise I made.

I am pathetic for guessing it was possible just because the situation is vulnerable, or my senses weren't working sensibly. What was I even thinking?

I am far from being girlfriend material, let alone being someone's wife and becoming a mother to an innocent baby for life. Coming to an understanding with a zero marital relationship is impossible, and with all the reasons in sight, I am unmarriageable.

I hailed a cab to my hotel, passing by the rustic hallway, to the wooden stairs since the hotel was extremely old with only three floors in the building.

Re-checking my flight time, I packed my suitcase and stuffed my duffle bag with cookie boxes.
I made sure I didn't leave anything out heading towards the door.

A ding cracked me out of my thoughts and for the second time this week, my heart dropped to my stomach.

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Sometimes suspense is good, what do you think arrived on Ilory's phone?

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