Thoughts I Never Said.

A letter to You.

Dear You,

The first time I saw you, I wasn't in love; In fact I wasn't phased. You screamed egotistic through your eyes, through your stance. I wasn't going to fall like the rest of them did, because you weren't worth it. I remember it so vividly, I remember the sarcasm in your voice. I knew that you thought you were so much better than everyone else, and though you knew you were you felt that you had to show it, praise it, flaunt it, but I wasn't buying it. I just know the mind too well to buy it. You were loud. I promised to stay away, to advert my eyes but you were all I heard over my thoughts. You were mean, you dug and dug at those below you to reassert yourself. The first time I saw you was not the first time we met, but it certainly was the first time my curiosity got the best of me. So I watched. 

The first time we met was in class. I rolled my eyes at every little comment made trying to convince the walls you weren't bad, that you really are the person your ego makes you to be. For some reason you uncharacteristically noticed the eye roll. How could it be that someone whom was so in love with them self could possibly notice the opposite? 

"Did you want to say something?" Yes, I want to tell you that your insignificant brain can't comprehend the true worries of the world that far expands the knowledge of a being obsessed with itself.

"No." I don't buy it, I don't see how everyone can fall into your charm. How everyone will walk, run, and dive into the sea drowning from your song. I don't buy it. 

Until I looked and we made eye contact that is. I saw you. I really saw; you. Your eyes told a different story than your voice. Your eyes looked deep, sad, longing. It was intriguing to see the mind and soul at battle right before my eyes. Your head, manipulated your voice into saying something that your heart completely disagreed with. Your eyes told the story of war and hatred resulting in self loathing, pity, and vulnerability. You put walls up to protect yourself but your eyes told the horrors. This peaked my interest. So I watched.

More and more, I proved to myself that I was right not to buy who you say you are. I learned many things about who you really are. You watched those so intently, every person was examined head to toe. And I learned you don't like the silence for too long, I noticed that when you make a joke you have to get the attention you're craving or you'll take it way too far. You're damaged. I see you. I wouldn't reveal you, I never would. You've been deprived from love for so long you seek it in every room. You would never do anything to jeopardize your 'reputation.' 

I still don't forgive you for leaving me I have so much to say, and never enough time to say it so I wrote you this.

-From me.