my home | (completed)

𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘂𝗲

𝟭𝟯 𝗦𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭

V A A N I

The chill wind brushed against my face making me close my eyes for a moment enjoying the breeze as I stood alone, my arms wrapped around myself. A faint smile formed on my lips as the song played in the background:

Tujhe Paaya Nahi Hai Phir Bhi, Khone Se Darr Raha Hu, Chup Chup Ke, Tujh Se Tera Chehra Mai Padh Raha Hu, Thode Aansoon, Thodi Yaadein, Thodi Chahat, Thode Vaade, Mujhmein Baaki Ab Talak, Kyun Tere Jazbaat Hain.

      Thodi yaadein? Thodi chahat?

      The lyrics tugged at my heart, pulling me back to memories of my self-proclaimed enemy—Shivank Kashyup, the one person I could never forget, and I never intend to ever do so. A bittersweet smile lingered as I thought of him. It had been six months since he left this city. Left us.

      A sudden notification on my phone interrupted my thoughts. Shivank had liked my story. I had just posted a picture of my birthday cake 3 minutes ago.

      I couldn't deny it anymore. I missed him. Not only when Dev teases me with his name, but every passing moment, with every breath I take. What is this feeling? I have never felt it for anyone, including him.

Every year, he'd bring me a cake for my birthday. Not out of kindness, but just to smash it on my face because, as he said, he enjoyed watching me get annoyed. Yet, it was one of the little joys that brightened my dull life.

     Now, without him, everything felt hollow. Suffocating.

      I glanced around my home. The laughter and chatter of my friends filled the air, but I felt alone. A weight settled on my chest. Should I call him?

      I reached for my phone but froze. He wouldn't pick up. He never would.

The noise around me felt unbearable. I faked a headache and sent everyone home. As I closed the door behind the last friend, I felt a rush of relief. I needed the silence to think.

     I changed into comfortable clothes—into the hoodie I stole from him, settled into my bed, listening to the same song that had been playing earlier. My heart ached, and my thoughts spiraled. I just wanted to hear his voice, or even hear him laugh at me calling him, if it was only for a moment.

    I got off the bed and grabbed Maasi's phone. He wouldn't have her number saved, so he wouldn't know it was me. Sitting back on my bed, I hesitated for a moment before dialing his number.

   The phone rang. My fingers trembled with every beat. Then, his voice came through, cold and detached. "Hello?"

I swallowed hard. "Hi," I whispered softly.

A pause. "Kaun?"

     "Mai Aisha, tution wali?" I lied, my voice shaking.

     "Oh, accha?"

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart. "Haan...tum kaise ho?"

     "Thik," he replied curtly. I hesitated, choosing my words carefully.

     "Tumhare friends tumhe bahot yaad karte hai." I was unable to hold my thoughts in anymore. But was I even considered his friend?

     "Toh call kyun nahi karte?" he asked bluntly. "Ek baar kar lete."

My chest tightened at his indifference. I tried to hold back the lump forming in my throat. "Shyd unhe lagta hai...you don't miss them."

A heavy silence followed. I could hear his breath on the other end, deep and strained.

     "Holidays par aarahe ho?" I asked, my voice trembling as emotions flooded in my mind.

     "Nahi."

     "Hmm," I muttered, looking at cuticles, unsure of what to say, trying to control the emotional turmoil he put me in.

     "Hmm."

I forced a smile, "Acha, mera boyfriend Mayank na mujhe—"

     "Happy birthday, Vaani," he interrupted sharply, his tone clipped making my heart freeze. "Hope you enjoyed your day without my chaos."

    Beep.

   The call ended.

    He knew it was me.

The tears came faster than I expected. They streamed down my face, hot and unrelenting. I cried silently, clutching my chest as the ache within me deepened.

     It wasn't his words that hurt me. It was the emptiness in his voice.

And in that moment, as I wiped my tears and stared into the dark room, a realization hit me with terrifying clarity.

I didn't just miss him with every breath I took. I wanted nothing but to breathe in his presence every moment.

I love him. The person who hated me, I loved him.

I miss the person who was once my home.

Shivank Kashyup, I love you but with my cruel destiny I can't easily have you. Or maybe I would never have you as my home again.