"Spencer, wait..." Aaron called out for him as he tried to walk away, his mind swarming with possibilities.
"What? What is there to say? You love her, and I'm so happy for you.. But- I loved you. I can't express it, but i loved you.'' Spencer called back with a small sob, before shutting his lips into a tight line.
"I wish we had met differently. In a world maybe- where i wasn't your boss, where... I was raised right." Hotch's words made Reids heart sink.
"I wish i didn't love you, you and jack.. It was what I felt like I always wanted... someone- someone to live for." he bit his lip.
"You know I love you..." aarons voice shakes.
"You can't look me in the eye when you say it, you thought you'd have haley forever. Foyet ruined that. And now... now you can't see anyone the same way you see her other than jack. And I get that, I wouldn't be able to either."
"Oh please just take my love the way-" Spencer cut him off.
"Hotch please, you're grieving. Do not put this on me." he shakily breathes and pushes his hair back with his hand. "I'm not her."
"What? I never said you were!" Aaron yells angrily.
"Please, I love you, but not in the way you need. You need haley. I'm not her, no one will ever be her, hotch and you need to understand that... no one can ever replace your first love, your only love.. The mother of your son."
And for the first time since she died, he lets tears run down his face.
"I wish we did meet in a different world, a different timeline... where she didn't go the way she did. If it was any other way, but it wasn't. Yes you were divorced, but you still loved her with everything in you. No one can fill that space. Now go, please.. Find jack. He needs you right now." Spencer stared at him as Aaron sobbed now.
"I can't do this- not without her- or you.."
"I'll still be here!"
"Not in the way I wish you were. I wish you could be."
"I'm here. We are all here, everyone here would drop anything for you hotch. Including me. You can ask for help, but not- don't see me as haley. I'm never going to be haley. I don't want to be haley. I love you, but you need to grieve."
"And when I'm done grieving?" aaron shakily exhales.
"Then we can talk again." Spence says quickly and hugs him carefully, before walking out of his office.
-
:O IM BAAAAAAACKKKKK
And actually writing about fandoms i enjoy now and that arent incredibly problematic :3
