👵Gran Review👵

#R31 White Lies

👵》Cover / Title
White lies with a picture of a girl with two boys, a story about a friend group that is full of lies? Or two boys who like the girl in the friendroup? I am expecting a betrayal story or ulterior motive from the title and cover alone. Beautiful image, is that a scene from the story? That would be good.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
Blurbs usually introduces main casts and important points about them, main conflict and leaving a hook to make people read the book. There is actually nothing in the blurb for me to get an idea of what the story is about, so you could write a better blurb to attract readers.

👵》World
There is a lack of scene building, so I think you should try to describe the setting to give readers a sense of place and time, it doesn't have to be too descriptive. Just enough information to paint a visual backdrop. Without scene setting, its hard to immerse into the world of the story hehe.

👵》Plot & Conflict
What can I say about the plot and conflict? There is not much information on what the story is about? Couldn't really figure out what the plot is from reading the first two chapters as well.

👵》Characters
I think you could introduce the cast better, describing their appearance and maybe a bit of backstory through character thoughts / introspection, the only character that stands out is probably the main character. Definitely need to work on the other characters to make the story more "alive", the story kind of feels empty because of that.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
Personally I think the story needs to be outlined / reframed better, it feels all over the place at the moment and jumps from one location to another too quickly. It feels like there is no room to immerse myself into the world, the telling of the story is too fast so I would recommend working on pacing. Ease the reader into the story! Don't rush the scenes.

And there are moments where you try to show, but most of the time you are telling. Definitely should focus on show don't tell, painting the world through the character's eyes. I would also advise you to improve sentence structure, it does feel choppy reading it which also disrupts immersion in my opinion.