left for dead | all of us are dead

eight

"i thought you liked crazy."

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    Mi-hwa could feel herself fading. For a second she was a ghost watching everything happen from afar and then she was back in her body. Each time she was sucked back into her body, the grief clawed at her chest. The room felt too big and yet too small at the same time. Mi-hwa knew what was coming but that didn't make her any more prepared for it.

    She stumbled away from Su-hyeok, the shock of Na-yeon's revelation and Ms. Park's departure making his grip lax. She felt her breaths become shallower with each step she took. Mi-hwa couldn't hear anyone around her. She could barely even see their faces. If they were calling out to her, she wouldn't know. The emotions in this room were stifling. It was choking her with the air of sadness, anger, and grief. 

    She entered the recording room— where she and Gyeong-su spent some of their last moments together. The door shut behind her with a hollow click, cutting her off from the rest of her class. Her bottom lip trembled as an onslaught of tears began again. Mi-hwa gripped her shirt over her chest. The sharp pain cut through her like a thousand knives. 

    Mi-hwa didn't stop herself as a scream burst from her throat. She at least still had enough of a mind to stick herself in the soundproof room. Her knees buckled. She threw her other arm out to catch her as she crumpled to the floor. 

    Mi-hwa screamed until her voice was hoarse and cracking with the overuse. She was hyperventilating at this point. Every time she inhaled it felt like she was getting no air at all. Her nails dug into the skin on her neck, clawing at it to feel anything at all than the fire coursing through her veins. She kept her head bowed down and prayed that this would all be just a dream. 

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    Ye-ji watched her twin stumble into the recording booth, ignoring— or not hearing their calls of her name. Even Ye-ji herself was feeling the lasting impacts of everything that happened in a span of a few minutes. She couldn't imagine how her sister, who feels too much in general, could put up with it. 

    "I've never seen her like that before," Wu-jin comments. He's the first one to speak since Na-yeon and Ms. Park's departure. Dae-su nods, wiping his tears with another tissue, "She's always trying to make everyone else smile. I don't think I've ever seen her cry before." 

    Su-hyeok inches toward the recording room's door, "Just because you haven't seen her cry doesn't mean she doesn't do it." Dae-su puts his hands up, "That's not what I meant— but she almost killed Na-yeon. Would've taken Na-yeon's head off if she didn't duck. I think Gyeong-su's death broke her." 

    "My sister's not broken," Ye-ji retorts. "I won't let her." She'd drag Mi-hwa out of the depths of hell if she had to. 

    Cheong-san stares at his feet, "Can you blame her though? I think— I wanted to do the same thing." On-jo steps beside her childhood friend, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

    "Ye-ji," Su-hyeok calls, his eyes not moving away from Mi-hwa. "She's having a panic attack." 

    Immediately Ye-ji grabs Mi-hwa's backpack, slinging it onto her shoulder. She follows Su-hyeok inside the recording room. Inside, her sister is hunched over on the floor. One of her hands grips the fabric of her shirt and the other is scratching at the skin on her neck until vicious red lines appear. 

    Through the years Ye-ji has figured out what helps and doesn't help when her twin has panic attacks. Internet research and books only do so much because there is not one single thing that will help every person who has a panic attack. What helps one person might not work on the next.