Kisses to my exes.

To Me.

What is this empty feeling,
Its like i always want to die.
What are we playing here,
Like what's the point of being alive?

All I need is a loaded gun now,
Let me end this game.
"A suicidal kid", someone shouted;
"He was a brilliant child, but what a shame."

I have burnt myself down,
I've tried exceeding all the expectations.
While no rewards were received,
Not even an appreciation.

What should I do now,
How much more to give.
And why is it so selfish for me to ask,
Because All I want is to leave.

I think about jumping bridges,
I think about crashing cars.
I dream about ghosts and murderers,
I dream about being lost in the dark.

And now, I try to weave word,
And make them all rhyme.
While simultaneously looking at my watch,
Counting every wasted time.

Something significant, something meaningful that I want to share to the world.
But how is that possible? After my sweat and tears are burned.

And lately I can't find words to rhyme anymore,
And I have lost faith, respect and luck on the other side of the door.

I used to pray to god.
To help me find romantic love.
But, now I question fates,
Or if there's anyone actually there above?

I feel cold when someone touch me,
I resist from feeling the warmth.
Because every inch of my skin is bruised now,
After standing continuous storms.

I wish to be loved, but I know I wont be kind.
Because all these baggage still lingers with me. Because I couldn't leave it behind.

I wish to go away, live a life in faraway virgin land.
Thats why I restrain myself from being loved by a man.

I can't care to care anymore,
I sit and stair walls.
I barely go outside too,
I don't even walk through the halls.

I barely talk to someone,
I only converse in need.
Because before now,
My assets were everyone's feed.

I hate when someone likes me,
Because I am not used to being liked much.
Because most of the time when someone said they liked me included a very bad touch.

Its not my structure, its not the definition of my life.
I am more than a victim of this cruel world, but my shivering hand holds the knife.

It's too soon to jump,
It's too soon to cause harm.
I sleep to feel peace now,
Until I hear the alarm.