Was It worth it to be happy for a little while?

CHAPTER 5

TW SUICIDE

logans POV

I walk into my house and grab the envelops and I grab oscars and place an object in it, an important one. the sticky tape and scissors are bring put to use and I tape my note to Oscar on his door, I walk up another floor and place one on Lando's door, then I go up another few floors and putting one on max's and one on Alex's. each have a meaningful memory and message for the future.

as I finish giving out my notes to fellow drivers I post my family's out to them using the postal service. hopefully they get that and don't think i'm ignoring them. as I reach my apartment I take a deep breath, this is what I want.

I take the blade and start slowly and painfully making chops at my arms. blood seeping out. first it was intense pain but its fading into calmness. I grab the pills and take them all in a few mouthfuls. everything went dark.

-an hour later-

max's pov

as I reach to open my door I see a note in an unfamiliar handwriting and pull it down. is it a stalker? I walk inside and lean against my counter before pulling it out.

"To max,

if your seeing this hopefully im gone cos if not then this is embarrassing. im sorry for being such a crappy boyfriend. I know I've caused you loads of relationship. hopefully you will be happier just lando max and Oscar. your all sweet together.

remember when we went to that little cafe round the corner and you got jam stuck on your nose and it took like three showers to come off? I don't think I had ever laughed that hard about something so silly. you really are a breath of fresh air I hope you like the necklace.

love Logan <3"

I take a deep breath as sobs fall from my lips, maybe giving him space was the wrong thing, all he needed was to feel loved and we managed to fuck that up.

I grab Logans key from the envelope and start sprinting too his room, I get in and I gag, the sight is horrific. blood is seeping from his arms and he's laying in a swimming pool of it. I call an ambulance and I start CPR hoping that it will help, I get into the ambulance with the crew and lo.

Alexs POV

I get a call, its the hospital?

"hello is this Alex albon?"

"arm yeah hi how can I help?" my voice probably sounds so lost but at least its a replication of the confusion in my brain.

"we have Logan here, unfortunately he has attempted suicide. we don't know if he's going to survive so if you want to come and say your goodbyes then we need you to come now."

I was sobbing, never have I cried so hard how didn't I notice how did this slip past the team?

"thank you I will do" my voice is cracking as I speak and the grid left in the paddock meeting look at me with a look of pure confusion and fear.

"what's happened al is everything okay?" hearing the sincerity in oscars and Georges voice was comforting. wait Oscar doesn't know?

"Oscar... he's tried to kill himself they don't think he's going to survive, Logan that said he's fine leaving and that he wants to see family might be dead right now for all we know!" the drivers faces pale when they realise what's happened.

I witness the fear and all 7 of us squash into the car, never did I think would see George Russel sat on lands knee who's sat on. lewis' knee if this were any other situation this would be hysterical. Logan would be giggling quietly in the corner about this.

landos POV

we enter the hospital room where Logan is surrounded by tubes and iv bags, never did I think it would get to this. as much as he got on my nerves never did I want this. tears are rolling down my cheeks. I sit down beside him and take one of his hands in mine.

"Logan baby I'm sorry, i never wanted to hurt you please be strong I promise ill be better please come back." I feel the slightest squishes in my hand

"wait can you hear me?" another squish in my hand

"guys he can Hear us!" I see max look at me never have I seen him look so distraught.

"Lo, I know you think you ruined things but you didn't I promise, you made our days better. we distanced because that what we thought you wanted. we never wanted to hurt you." guilt washed over me it felt like the most intense pain I've ever felt.

the line went flat, Logan was officially gone. sobs were coming from everyone. even if Logan didn't know he was never the one we were talking about. it was one of our engineers but that's why he's distanced himself as the realisation comes to me the guilt gets stronger.

oscars POV

I drag my feet to my apartment to find my note from Logan on my door with a clunky thing in the envelope. I open it and my mouth drops to the floor.

"hi Osc

sorry you found out this way that was planning on proposing to you back in November 2023, I hope you like the ring. you have been the one consistent thing throughout all the inconsistancys i'm sorry if I ever caused any issues.

love you loads

Logan"

I place the ring on my ring finger and stare at it forcing myself into my apartment.

X post from Oscar

"remember to talk to people if your struggling. today we lost a valued member of the motorsport world to suicide, my boyfriend Logan sergeant. please ask for help, please don't be afraid to reach out"

the end

a/n thank you for reading and sorry its so short but tada