The Makings of a Serial Killer

A Bad Taste

"So." Emily spoke impatiently.

"So." Sam sat in the woman's office for the tenth time in her life.

"Last time we discussed some of your more difficult memories. I realize you have a hard time connecting to some of the emotions of those memories." Emily sat cross legged, peering through her glasses with her analytic gaze.

"Well...yes. I mean I still hold some anger and sadness towards my childhood, but it wasn't really all mine, so to speak. I mean it was, but..."

Emily smiled. A comforting, warm smile. A truthful smile. Yet Sam could not discern the undertones.

"I never did ask you...how long have you 'been' Sam?"

"...I haven't been 'Alice' since I was sixteen.'

"And where is Alice?"

"Does it matter?"

She jotted something down. Sam couldn't help but to shift under the therapist's scrutinizing mannerisms.

"I take it you have an issue with this part."

"Of course I do." Sam said as though it were obvious.

"I'd like to know why."

Sam had so much she could have said. Perhaps it was because Alice was an ungrateful little cunt. Perhaps it's because Alice had a tendency towards self harm and impulsive, risky behaviors Sam couldn't justify nor approve of. Perhaps its because Alice treated Sam as though she were a band-aid, someone to deal with all the difficult things she couldn't. Perhaps it's because if Alice had simply been strong enough to endure her mother's abuse, she wouldn't be here.

"That's alright, we don't have to discuss anything until you're ready." Emily chided reassuringly. Sam nodded.

"Last week we discussed some themes from your childhood. You mentioned a lot of emotional and verbal abuse, a lot of emotional neglect, some bullying...some suspected assaults and witnessing violence, as well as..." Emily read down a list of bullet points in her note book. She was detached. Sam didn't know whether or not she cared for it yet.

"Emotional incest, parentification, and medical traumas."

"Yes." She confirmed the laundry list of traumas which were a part of her childhood history. Emily had a way of looking at Sam that unnerved her. She never knew what Emily saw, and she was too afraid to ask. For the first time in her life, someone noticed her. Sam didn't like it much.

"How close are you to your siblings?"

It was out of place, but not an unusual question to ask in therapy.

"I'm relatively close with my sister. My brother, not so much. I never really spoke to him much growing up."

"And why is that?"

"Just didn't have much to say."

Silence. Dreaded silence.

"Let's shift gears." She shut her notebook and pulled out a pad of paper and a pencil.

"I want you to describe your relationship to each of your siblings in five words, starting with your brother."

Where was this going?

"...Truth be told, Emily, I don't think I could think of even three words to describe my relationship with my brother. It's practically nonexistent."

Emily sighed in disappointment. Sam felt unpleasant.

"You have to try."

She was taken aback. Not knowing how to respond to the woman's abrasive nature, she felt inclined to leave.