Making a World Out of Broken Dreams

Saddest Happy Thoughts

They told me to think happy thoughts. So I did.

I thought about my favorite food— how its taste lingers in my mouth, that delicious flavors playing around. But somehow the more I eat, the more it tastes bland. Chewing it all and swallowing it, the flavors began to fade until it never taste as it was before.

I thought about my safe spot— just by the corner of the couch, I sat all day. Watching videos on my phone, scrolling on my social media, or reading a book. But somehow, my safe spot seems to feel unfamiliar. The more I stay, the more I felt like darkness starts to follow me again. It follows me until I started to feel like finding a new home to stay in.

I thought about my favorite song that I love listening to everyday. It pumps me up and makes my day whole. But then, the melodies I used to adore started sounded like an eerie echo I've always hated. It doesn't feel like it was before and the deafening tunes hunts me until I can't listen to the same ever again.

I thought about my passion. Writing every thoughts I had, the emotions I felt at the moment, and stories I wanted to tell. With the idea of inspiring someone, it was the escape that i've always love. but then I forgot how to communicate. I felt like even if try to shout with words, no one listens. I felt dry and hopeless until I am lost with words to express anything like how I did when I was still passionate.

I guess happy thoughts can also be sad too.

Lunarisol // 01312023