Phighting stuff, idk, lol

Death Row Poison

BANSPACE

I HAVE HELD OUT ON WRITING IT

I NEED IT THO

BHGYUJHRFHFRJ

Also for once no Sub POV (gasp

+Ban Hammer+
The warden was patrolling around Banlands. Because it was his job. As much as he would rather be at his house sleeping. He had to do his job. Which was fun in its own way, because if any of the prisoners annoyed him in the slightest, he could just break a bone or two and it would shut them right up. It's not like they'd even dare to fight back.
The warden prided himself on his strength and capabilities even with his blindfold on.
And he knew Banlands so well, that he could tell any slight displacement in the prisoner's cages.
Another reason his job was fun, was the feeling of utter hopelessness that the domain radiated, which made it so no one even wanted to escape, for they knew he'd just catch them again. Although for some aggravating reason Broker was immune to it.
So occasionally, he would hear laughing.
Like now.
Except it didn't sound like Broker in the slightest, so obviously the warden made his way over to the noise, eventually just slinging his hammer over his shoulder and launching himself, slamming down right next to whoever it was with a snarl.
"Ah!— by the Swords' there is absolutely no reason you should be allowed to do that-!" A voice hisses, obviously trying to hide either surprise or fear.
Except he— unfortunately —recognized the voice. He lets go of his hammer with one hand, lifting his blindfold and glaring at the Phighter. As he had thought, it was Subspace.
"Why are you here." He says flatly, resting his hammer over his shoulder.
"O-oh!— I'm uh— visiting—?"
"Visiting."
"Yeah!! Don't look so doubtful."
"I'm just surprised you aren't holed up in your lab doing gods' know what with your experiments."
Subspace huffs slightly, starting to scoff and respond, only for the warden to cut him off again.
"Why are you here." He repeated, eyes narrowing at the scientist.
"I already told you! I'm visiting!"
"You're lying."
"I am no—"
Ban Hammer, already impatient, slams his hammer down a few centimetres from Subspace himself, feeling a flicker of amusement as the scientist shrieks and leaps aside.
"I thought we were friends!— you shouldn't be threatening me" Subspace protests, his gaze now glue to the hammer, flinching at any movement the gear made in Ban Hammer's claws.
"For one I never agreed to us being friends."
"Yes you did!!— oh- wait- no, that was a dream—"
"You dream about me?"
"...occasionally"
"How insane are you?"
"I'm not insane!"
Ban Hammer just blinks at Subspace, then growling slightly as he realized Subspace had once again succeeded in changing the topic.
"Answer my original question or I'll just throw you in a cage with the other prisoners"
"You wouldn't dare! My Faction would not allow it!—"
"I don't give a damn about your Faction, frankly."
"Why?! My Faction is perfect. Much better than this depressing wastela—"
"Shut up. I wasn't bluffing, I will put you in a cage, and I'm sure this Playgrounder would love attacking a Blackrockian" Ban Hammer interrupts yet again, jerking his thumb to the nearby cage, then seeing more pink and turning his head to stare in utter confusion at the cloud of poison enveloping the cage. "What—"
Subspace somehow has the grace to look embarrassed. "I miiiiight of came here to experiment a bit"
"Why?-"
"Boredom!" The scientist chirps
"Yes but why here"
"Cuz' your fun to be around!"
Ban Hammer stares at Subspace for a moment. "I am not fun"
"Sometimes you are!"
"Are you sure those aren't just your weird ass dreams?"
"Not all of them were dreams" Subspace huffs, stray mist venting through his mask.
Ban Hammer shakes his head slightly, turning again to watch the prisoner who was now on the floor of the cage, clawing at their own throat. "What type of poison are you even using—?"
"Oh! I have quite a few with me, experiments, duh. But that one's just dish soap with a bit of my crystals' poison!"
"...dish soap."
"Mhm!" Comes Subspace's reply, nodding his head proudly.
"Dish. Soap."
"Yep!"
"How the hell have you found a way to turn dish soap into poison?"
"I have a lot of free time!"
Ban Hammer sighs. "Fine, I'll bite, what other random items have you brought?"
"I'm glad you asked!"
Ban Hammer watches as Subspace produces random liquids seemingly from no where, there was the pink glow of his crystals but liquidized and stuffed into a vial, there was something that looked concerningly (wtf do you mean concerningly isn't a word) like ichor, something like Medkit's healing crystals, several other liquidized crystals, literal blood, for some reason a yeast packet, a sponge, and a balloon, water, and a few more poison crystals.
"What's with the yeast?-"
"Oh- uh- yeast expands so I thought if I could get into one of the cages I could stuff the yeast down one of the prisoners throats and watch them suffocate"
"How did you plan on getting into a cage?-"
Subspace pulls out a bonesaw, waving it.
"Why would you think that would work."
"I- don't know,"
Ban Hammer sighs before reaching up with his free hand and yanking one of the death-row cages down to the ground, the spikes sinking into the rock easily.
The prisoner inside yelps, the chain and cuff on their wrist chaffing their skin as it yanks them down with the cage.
Ban Hammer produces a key ring from somewhere on his armour, unlocking the cage (ik they don't have doors but bear with me) and looking at Subspace. "Be my guest."
Subspace's eye was practically shining and he saunters right in, tearing open the yeast packet with his claws. Ban Hammer contemplated whether to lock Subspace in but decided against it, for some internal feeling he didn't bother figuring out.
He watches as Subspace promptly pries open the prisoners jaws, ignoring the claws digging into his own arms and shoves the yeast down their throat, followed by the vial of water. He then steps back, sitting in front of the cage.
"Now we wait!"
"How do you even think of these things."
"I'm very creative."
Ban Hammer rolls his eyes, decidedly moving his blindfold back down over his eyes.
"Oh! It's working!!" Subspace's voice sounded nearby, once again in the cage.
"Do you just want me to give you access to every death row prisoner-?"
"Can you?? Please???"
The warden sighs. "Fine. I still need to finish patrol though."
"Then just unlock a couple! I'll find you if I need you to unlock more!"
"How do I know you won't just jailbreak all of them?"
He hears Subspace make an outraged noise. "I would never! Half of these idiots are from Playground and the rest are probably just from the Factions that don't matter. I doubt any of them are from Blackrock, it's the superior Faction, after all."
"Actually, quite a few are from Blackrock" Ban Hammer responds, biting back a laugh as Subspace then falls silent. "Anyways, I'll get Voidstar to keep an eye on ya', so don't think about acting out." Ban Hammer stars, shifting his hammer so he could properly launch himself again.
"Wait—!"
"What."
"Would you mind if I visit more often-? I'd like to test a bit more"
Ban Hammer sighs. "Fine. But don't start asking to come over to my place or something else like that because I swear to the gods' I will put you in a cage, Faction protection or no Faction protection"
"Yep! Understood!" He hears Subspace chirp back.
Ban Hammer nods before turning and leaving Subspace to go finish his patrol.

Word Count: 1299
I fjucking love banspace and there's not even fluff but I still like this their so silly oh my gid jwhakwnsi
...
I kinda wanna do an extra bit that I'm 100% going to hate myself for.
Fuck it
Preferably stop reading past this point <3
Specifically you, Golden

Subspace wasn't sure what he had done to provoke his lover in a way that he would stop acting so calm. But he had done it.
And now he was pinned to the wall with the wardens chest pressed flush against his. His own face lit up heavily with blush as Ban Hammer nipped at the scarred flesh of his neck, muffled whimpers escaping past his mask at the sensation.
"So fucking needy." The warden huffs, dragging a claw along Subspace's masked cheek, causing the scientists to shiver, then yelp in surprise as he felt Ban Hammer's other hand slip under his shirt, claws pricking his abdomen.

That's all you guys are getting, it hurt to write this but it's proof I do know how
Word count: 1475