Learning to Remember

12. Shock

John tried to keep the deep breath he drew in quiet so she couldn't tell how her statement affected him. He forced his voice to be calm before responding. "Married?"

She rubbed her forehead in an effort to soothe her mind. "I was in a room of people. I think it was family. And there was a man standing across the room and he was talking about love and marriage, and he looked my way and said 'Millie... we've loved each other our whole lives. Tomorrow, we will make it official, and you will finally become Mrs. Edwards.' And then the people all clapped, and... and that was it."

"... wow." John replied softly.

"Yeah." She chuckled humorlessly. "But you've never seen a man living with me, right? You would have mentioned something like that."

"Of course I would have." He said somewhat defensively. He drew in a breath to calm himself, knowing his frustration wasn't with her. "I don't think I've ever seen anyone go in or out of your house but you. I could have missed guests here and there of course, but I'm pretty sure I would notice if anyone else lived right beside me for the past seven months."

"Right." She said absentmindedly. "But my last name is Edwards, so we had to have gotten married. Maybe he's in the military on deployment and left before I moved. Maybe we're separated? Or divorced? Or..." she gasped before turning to look at him. "What if he's dead? Could I be a widow?" She turned to look back out the windshield, wide eyed.

"Millie." He reached over and placed his hand on hers. "It will come to you eventually. I know this isn't very encouraging, but for now all you can do is wait and see." He glanced to see her nodding her head slowly. "That being said, if he hasn't shown up for the past seven months, you have no pictures of both of you, his name isn't on any of the bills you found, or anything else, then you're probably no longer in each other's lives for one reason or another. I take it you didn't find men's clothes in your bedroom or anything in your bathroom?"

She shook her head and spoke quietly. "No, nothing."

He released her hand, and they rode in silence for several minutes before she spoke up again softly. "This is such a big wake up call. I have this whole past that I know nothing about. It was so easy to just assume I was a single, carefree woman who could just pick up and live life how I wanted. Now, I don't know what to think anymore."

"I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you." He said gently.

"No, you've been a huge help, John. Obviously. And thank you so much for today, I really did have so much fun. I hate it ended in such a .... I don't even know what word to use to describe this. Not fun, I guess." She chuckled dryly.

A few minutes later he pulled in and parked in his driveway and they got out. "It's late, I'll walk you to your door."

"It's fine, it's just right there." She motioned to her house.

"Exactly, so it's no big deal for me to walk you over." He offered her a smile as they walked over and up on her porch. Once she unlocked her door and started to open it, he nodded and spoke. "Try to not worry too much and get some rest, Millie. It will be ok."

"Thanks, John. I appreciate that." She smiled and stepped inside her door. "Goodnight."

"Good night." He said as he stepped back and turned to walk down her steps, glancing behind him to make sure she shut and locked the door.

He took his time walking over to his house, his mind reeling. He had almost kissed her. If he hadn't been able to visibly see that she had lost herself in a memory like she had when they were decorating the tree... He shook his head, berating himself. Just a second or two more and he would have leaned forward and took her in his arms. He had wanted to. He had wanted to so badly.