Happy Birthday

Chapter 10: This Old House

Sirius stepped from the floo smoothly and bowed to his hosts, the younger of whom stepped forward and returned the bow.

"I bid you welcome to Longbottom Manor, Lord Black" Neville said.

"You...um...might not want to stand there, kid," Sirius replied.

A confused expression was about halfway across the poor boy's face before Harry tumbled out of the floo and into his legs, sending them both into a tangled heap. Hermione came out a moment later, stumbling, but Sirius managed to catch her arm before she ended up in the pile in front of her.

"My apologies, Regent Longbottom," Sirius said to Neville's grandmother Augusta. "They're still getting the hang of floo'ing."

She sniffed. "I'd gathered as much."

"Sorry about that." Harry hauled himself to his feet and helped Neville up. "I have no idea how you lot floo and don't fall over."

"I'm not very good at it, either." Neville looked down at the floor.

"I'm sure," Augusta said, "that you'll pick it up in time, Neville. Your father's floo exits were always elegant."

"When he was sober, anyway," Sirius said. "There was one time after we were celebrating Lily and Alice's pregnancies-"

Very few glares were capable of stopping Sirius mid-story, but the look on Augusta's face just then was one of such undisguised fury that he briefly feared for his own safety.

"Anyway," Augusta said, "Lord Black, will you introduce our guests?"

"Of course," Sirius said. "I'd like to present my godson Harry Potter and his best friend, Hermione Granger."

Harry bowed awkwardly and Hermione gave a wobbly curtsey.

"It's lovely to meet you," Augusta said. "Miss Granger, is it true you're a muggle-born witch?"

"Yes, Regent Longbottom," Hermione replied.

"How fascinating! You may be the youngest muggle-born witch ever to grace this house with your presence since The Bastard destroyed our old one and we had to move here."

Harry snickered, then stopped when Augusta turned her glare on him. She opened her mouth, but Hermione spoke up before she could reprimand him. "Wait, do you mean William the Conqueror?"

Augusta sniffed disdainfully. "It takes more than claiming a fancy sobriquet to clean up one's heritage. William was a bastard born and bred, and he putrifies in Caen a bastard dead. He initially tried to uproot our family, but the Longbottoms showed him he needed better court wizards by murdering the ones he sent to destroy our previous house."

"Oh, my," Hermione said in a small voice.

"That's awesome!" Harry said. "Did you know his body was so decayed that it exploded when they tried to put it in the mausoleum and everyone at his funeral had to run away from the smell?"

The old woman smiled for the first time since they arrived. "Of course, dear boy," she said. "Who do you think cast the spell to speed up the putrefaction of his corpse but one of our ancestors?"

Harry clapped Neville on the back. "Your family is awesome!"

The other boy looked a little green. "Um...thank you?"

"Neville, why don't you show our guests around the house and grounds?" Augusta said.

"Yes, Gran," Neville said. "Would you all like to follow me?"

"Sure." Harry paused, then turned back to Hermione. "Are you OK?"

The girl looked even greener than Neville. "I was almost recovered from the motion sickness until you started talking about exploding corpses."