"Between Lines and Life: Confessions of a Freelance Writer"

"Between Lines and Life: Confessions of a Freelance Writer"

At times, backwards, when I contemplated the crises and difficulties of my life, I would sit alone, cry, and give a deeper meaning and higher purpose until all my life passed by. Does then cease to be my choice when I pursue my career as a writing freelancer? Writing has turned into an art of mine, and the journey has gone further than I could only imagine as being just a professional hobby. It has been a lonesome drill in the face of societal norms and self-inflicted suffering.

Instead of many of my classmates and family members' children who have gone on to the traditional jobs which are more stable and better paying keeping them company and enabling them to go to parties while family and other friends are around and living a peaceful lifestyle, I have opted for a different way. I rather admit that I sometimes envy those paths that they have chosen because each one of them creates a perception that I might have taken the wrong way. This all-encompassing nature of the task is amplified when one understands that they are financing their goals while I am still on the path to achieving my own. I have selected a way that is mainly dismissed or ignored by most.

Sometimes the doubt creeps in, whether will I ever reach success and acclaim and Whether society is ready to accept my choice, remains a mystery to me. This constant desire for belonging is the root of all these upheavals, as I fall victim to a song of self-doubt over and over again for having traded an acceptance for this career.

Even today, I find myself sitting alone and crying. I wonder if I will ever be able to do something meaningful for my parents and life partner. Will they ever feel proud of me? Perhaps not.

Relationship Strains: Balancing Dreams and Love

The situation where I don't have a steady income is often accompanied by challenging situations which I have fought or struggled with in regards to my relationships. This financial unpredictability has had a strenuous effect on me and prevented goals not only with my dreams but also with my partner and daughter too. I have been the most stressed out during the periods when this situation impacted my family relationships.

At first, my wife was all in favor of my decision, however, as the days went by she started to ask questions and they had their doubts about career.she asks me what is keeping us from plunging into the consumer lifestyle of other better-off people: decent salaries, expensive cars, upscale clothes and the like. Such situation made me realize that I was unable to accompany her wishes and the requirements of my brother, parents or even friends. As a result, it became apparent I was not strong enough to accomplish in the eyes of my peers and family members. It is frequently asked whether I can offer the companionship of abundant material wealth to my beloved ones.

This disparity between me and them with the limited perceptions of success and security has brought me deep pain and unrest. While for myself I get gratified through artistic act, the partner has more priority to him/her one that is stable and has material gains. It is not only about the divergence itself, it is about the transformation that it made to me, whether my dreams expect too much for me, and who can I rely on when the tough time comes.

Personal Sacrifices: The Loneliness of Unfulfilled Celebrations

One of the profound impacts of pursuing this challenging career path is the long series of personal sacrifices I have made, which connect not through financial means but through deep emotional investments. Often, I quietly pass through the birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays of my relatives, siblings, and partner. These occasions go by with my presence feeling more like absence. I am unable to give them gifts or bring joy to their faces during happy celebrations. I wish to give them so much and do more, but due to financial constraints, I hesitate to show myself before them.

Sometimes, in such moments, I retreat into solitude and allow myself to fully experience the weight of unfulfilled hopes and genuine gestures. I console myself by saying, "It's okay, if not this time, then next time." But how long can I continue to deceive myself into believing that I have chosen the right career path? Sometimes, I wonder if my loved ones, my siblings, and my family think that I should be able to give them nice gifts like others and share in their happiness, yet I am unable to do so. I become intensely self-aware and ponder: Did I make the right decision?One of the profound impacts of pursuing this challenging career path is the long series of personal sacrifices I have made, which connect not through financial means but through deep emotional investments.