𝑴𝒚 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒍

Chapter 34

"It hurts to have flashbacks to things I do not want to remember," - Raelynn

⚝ ๋࣭ ⭑ Raelynn's POV  ๋࣭ ⭑⚝

Warning: self harm and self degrading

It's hurts.

To hold all of your emotion and suffering inside of you.After I had locked myself in my room for more than four hours, Catherine would not stop calling my name. I sobbed until my eyes stopped shedding tears. I was unaware of how she had reached out to me following our disagreement with Kalvin.

Kalvin. I laughed like stupid I'm. The man who once assured me that he would always love me for who I am and accept all of my imperfections is now growing tired of me. Everyone around me gets their feelings tried over a sometime.

It is nothing new or particularly bad, as I have not been used to it in a few months. I had assumed that our relationship would last longer than I had anticipated.

But all thanks to Kalvin. He showed me how incredibly incorrect I am.  What did you except from a broken girl? Who treated me so uniquely and exceptionally well? It was him. Ever since I was young, I have been curious about what it is like to be loved and special to someone. Being unlucky from birth, I do not deserve to be treated that way or for it to last for so long.

I slept on the floor and was startled to wakefulness when I heard Catherine's voice once more. Well, at least she is starting to worry now. "Catherine, what do you want ?" my voice is very low because I hadn't eaten anything from today morning. "Bitch, open the fucking door" she shouted very loudly.

Her worried eyes met mine as I opened the door and saw her holding a tray of food and juice. "Eat something, Rae, please. For sake of your-" I cut her off. "Catherine, please leave me alone." I literally begged her with my voice. "Listen , I heard everything that happened. I'm sorry but please keep be patience Rae" she said, from her voice I can tell she knows something too.

I sighed, "You want me to eat right ?" After grabbing the tray, I shut the door abruptly. Once inside,I placed the food on table and went to bathroom. I filled the tub. I get into the bathtub and soak my clothes with my body, keeping my phone close to me for some reason I didn't know. My eyes welled up with tears once more; I never deserved to be loved or to exist. I'm the one who can people get tried of few months or years. As I continued to cry, I felt something tighten around my throat.

There is something secret I want to say Kalvin. I asked him to stay before he going to office because of this, but I believe he already knew that. Perhaps this is why he is getting tired of me. Sensing this reality, I fully submerge my head in the bathtub. Further hot water fills the tub, burning my entire body like a hell. Yes, I did turn on the hot water. My skin is becoming more irritated from the heat, and I can feel my lungs aching for air.

I ignored everything around me, it's just me. I try to avoid it and immerse myself further in the scalding hot water, but my phone rings. And rings once more. I wake up from the tub feeling completely irritated, only to be unpleasantly surprised to see that it is Kalvin who is calling. I hung up and blocked his number.

As I undressed, I noticed that I had numerous red burns all over my body. I wrapped myself in a towel and avoided that. While I put on my clothes, my phone rings once more. I picked it up since it is a new number. Because something inside me urged that it might be the pet orphan. I answer the phone, "Are you still mad at me,love?" The man whom I'm trying my best to hate voice peaked. I stayed silent.

"Speak something baby, you still love me right".He says in a tone that seems to be proving something to me. "What you want, Kalvin?" I asked and I can say they he is drunk as fuck. "Have you eaten anything ,Caramel ?" The way he is acting now has irritated every cell in my body.  I almost drowned myself because of him. He claimed he needed a break, but now he is acting strange.

"I hate you, Kalvin." My eyes filled with more tears as I hang up. I turned off my phone and cried more as I screamed out of lungs . I hate that I'm living. I hate that I'm ugly. I hate that I'm just a use and throw thing. I hate everything in my life.

Kalvin was unaware of his own behavior since he would occasionally become angry but would then experience other emotions for the same thing. Which makes me feel more strange is, I called my parents, but the call ended with a voicemail.They always picks my call or maybe Kalvin- Okay. This is it for me.

Without getting my permission, he gets
my cat to pet orphans. Willow, poor him. In this cruel world, he is the first person I get. He does not deserve me either. In this world, I am so unwanted.With a heavy heart, I fell asleep on the floor.

Feeling sick to my stomach, I wake up. I ran to and let out everything. But I was froze on my place when I see I vomit blood. Holy christ. As I washed my mouth, I began to panic. It is dark outside and nearly evening. I nearly slept more than twelve hours. And my eyes are swollen and I have blisters from my burn. A soft knock came before my mind could process anything. I heard Calix's gentle voice behind the door, "Sweetheart, open the door."

He did not ask me any questions when I came here. He respected my personal feelings so I decided to open the door, like I hadn't seen I'm blood vomiting before.

My heart almost leaped with shock, annoyance, rage, surprise, panic, and possibly even a little happiness when I opened the door. "I am sorry for the pain i caused you, please forgive me, Baby," said Kalvin, who was know keeling with a bouquet of sunflowers and willow, his eyes watering with tears and his face expressionless as he awaited my response. His eyes widen in shock as he scans me. And I started crying once more.

Soo, 🙆🏻‍♀️it's a pov...

My heart goes out to you, Rae baby. 😖😖😖

Avoid self-harm; it will hurt you more than the cause ❤️.  your body is not a waste of flesh to get hurt. It's so pure and kind🦋<33

Be strong babies, you're all more perfect than you think 💋 stay strong stay happy

Be happy and healthy 🤸🏻‍♀️🎀

Bye😘...

~♡~