Battling emotions [akutagawa]

The meeting

He was never good at expressing his emotions, nor recognising what he felt himself. His roots were in the slums, after all. Having to fight, getting beaten and stealing to survive was his daily routine back when he was young, wary of the world and cautious of all unfamiliar to him.
When a certain dark haired, cunning mafia executive promises him a hope to survive and a reason to live, the fragile, broken minded boy accepts. At that very moment he was just a boy, a boy who had a pool of darkness in his widened, empty eyes, threatening to spill out as he clutched at his ragged clothing.
That young boy spent a considerable amount of time under the wing of that executive. Watching. Learning. Taking in habits that slowly engraved themself into his person, unbeknownst to him.
As time passed he became loyal, obedient, like a lost puppy finding a caring owner to look after it. Although, in his case, the puppy was blinded by its own helplessness. The life he came to know of did him more harm than good. Will he ever change? Does he even know how to change? Or are his ways of thinking ingrained into his stained mind for as long as he lives.

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A knock echoed throughout the surrounding hallway as a slightly shaken, blonde haired young woman stood at the door, nervously awaiting an answer. On the opposing side of the door sat a slim, pale and dark haired man. Bearing a folder with various different paperwork strewn and scattered over his desk, with a cold cup of tea that had been long forgotten, and most mysteriously, a blood stained cloth folded neatly into a square on the farthest corner of the dreary desk.
The woman jumped slightly as she heard the voice of the man inside the room whom she had requested to speak with.
"come in. What do you need me for, higuchi?" The man spoke harshly, bitterness and impatience layered in his rash voice which made Higuchi subtly avert her gaze as she cleared her throat and stepped inside the room. She felt as if there were a sudden temperature drop and crossed her arms. Not sure if it was from the sudden perceived coldness or just to ease her nerves.
"Akutagawa... I just wanted to inform you that the boss requested to see you at three thirty sharp, that's all" Her voice was stern and she spoke like that of someone who had been obsessively practising her words beforehand. She straightened herself up and left the study in a subtle hurry, as if she thought any more of his soul-piercing gaze would go right through her body and leave her standing there helpless.
Akutagawa looked at the clock meticulously placed above the door in front of him. As his gaze met it, he saw it turn exactly 3.

He sat there for a moment, questioning for what purpose he needed to see the boss. Although, deep down he knew what it was about, he knew very, very well. He grimaced as he neatened up the papers across his desk and rounded them into the folder, putting it in the drawer beneath him. The sudden news made his mind slip as he took a sip of the, unknowingly to him, cold tea he forgot he made. He made it clear to himself and if anyone were to be seeing him at that moment, them too, that he was the least anticipating of what was to come in the next half hour, continuing to drink that cold tea was proof enough, as he waited out the minutes.

Hate and bitterness were practically knee deep inside Akutagawa, so it's no wonder it's the only feeling he knew how to properly express, recognise in himself and of course, use to his advantage, and so he did. When he talked he made sure his words were cold, empty and apathetic. When he was alone he made it a front to bear a scowl or a grimace. To always think the worst of his situation. It was second nature to him. And so, as the time slowly ticked its way to half three, he arose once again. As if he were a vampire coming out of a sombre slumber.

His hands resided in his pockets, his gaze fixed in front of him, and the echoing footsteps made by the marble beneath him all gave the impression of a ferocious beast, hunting for its prey. His long, black coat amplifying his frail frame as the lower ranking members of the mafia he passed all distanced themselves, afraid that if they made even one wrong move he'd snap, unleashing the hatred they saw within him onto them.
That was all they saw in the man, hate, anger and a disregard for life. Although, they were not entirely wrong, for he had to fight to survive, so anyone lesser or incapable was deemed worthless and unfit to live, by his standards. For his ability to follow orders and kill at the snap of a finger, he was revered and utmost feared, claiming the title the "port mafia's rabid dog". A title in which he had no regard for, although he didn't need a name to be known, his presence was enough to make anyone have a cold sweat down their back.

He knocked on the overbearingly large door, stepped back, and awaited the order to come from within.
"Ah, Akutagawa, come in would you?" A cold but calculating voice answered, and so Akutagawa stepped inside, closing the door behind him as he made his way to the boss' desk.
He was met with a smile as the man unfolded his arms, as if to show he was letting his guard down. Being truly and utmost open.
At first glance, you'd think he was relaxed, at ease and pleased in that moment and many more that had passed. However, he was always on guard, his perceptive nature allowing him to monitor every move the people beneath him made. A man fit to be the boss of the Mafia, and Akutagawa had no opposition to that fact.
Akutagawa bowed, rose again and cleared his throat to speak, only to hear the boss's words instead of his own.
"Ah now, Akutagawa, you must be wondering why I called you here, no?" The man smiled as Akutagawa made a slight nod of his head.
"Well then. There's a mission i need you for. The agency has recently recruited a new member..." the man thinks for a second, carefully recollecting his words.
"The tricky part is that he has a bounty on his back, placed there by a third party. They want him back alive. I see you fit as the member who will be up to this task, take this file, read all that's in it and make sure it's done." His words were said calmly, but Akutagawa could feel the callousness in them. He knew if he objected, refused or even failed the consequences would be dire. No matter how friendly the boss presented himself in his words, there was always a deeper meaning, a catch. And Akutagawa wasn't going to disappoint him.
"Understood, boss." Akutagawa replied, carefully picking up the file, hastily turning around and then leaving. Retreating back to the study he was previously seated in.
He put the new file onto his desk, reading the information carefully, to see what this so called "bounty" was about and a detailed description of the target he had to look out for. He was on the third page when his heart dropped. The paper fell back onto the table from where he picked it up, his shaking hands and hitched breath indicated something was different, not right. As he stared at the picture of the brunette, dark eyed man on the paper, he realised it could only be one person. The man in the dark coat. Or at least, that used to be him. Akutagawa noticed he looked different there. Relaxed, off guard and his expression was that of a cheerful, carefree one. His mind was racing for answers he had yet to discover. He was dumbfounded. If someone were to knock on the door in that very moment, he didn't think he'd be able to even muster out any words in response to it.

Ever since Higuchi informed him that the boss wanted a word with him, he couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of being face to face with his former mentor for the first time in 4 years. The thought left an unsavoury taste in his mouth. He had been secretly pondering his whereabouts for a while, but sightings of the man had been caught with the agency. News spreads quickly around this place, and he knew the boss had a tendency to see off his subordinates on tasks with underlying factors. Such as the one that he was faced with as of now. Akutagawa suspected it was to see how well he'd cope with the situation. If he'd still capture the target with the bounty on his back, if he'd still obey orders. although he didn't know that for certain. Like always, he was left with more questions than answers.

Akutagawa felt a headache coming on as he tried to calm his breathing and stop his mind from racing. He didn't know what was happening or what this was called, but he recognised this same feeling all too well.

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"Get up" The words fell flat as Akutagawa was on his knees, his hands shaking, his body threatening to collapse. Blood stained the cold stone floor beneath him. He coughed and gagged while trying to gasp for any air his lungs could hold, simultaneously pushing his body upwards, only for him to fall, a gasping mess, back onto the floor. yet again.
"Get up" the man relayed, his piercing cold eyes staring a hole through him, leaving him empty, with nothing, with no one. He always knew he had no one. He wouldn't even dare to confide in his sister, the only one who'd gone through the same as him, in fear of her worrying when she at last has a taste at normalcy, and wholeheartedly believed that her brother does as well.
He truly had no one except the man who seemed, at that moment, was towering above him, a gun in hand, ready to shoot. He needed to prove himself, show that he was worthy of being his subordinate, worthy of living.
"What do you think you're doing?" The man's words were a shock to Akutagawa, who had managed to stand himself upright, albeit highly unsteady on his feet.
"You'll never survive in the mafia like that!" The man shouted, his voice drowning Akutagawa in dreaded shame and worthlessness, the man followed by dealing a striking punch to the face, knocking him off his feet with sheer force. Back onto the floor. His vision hazy, his breath hitched and blood stained clothes suggested he was in no state to dodge attacks. The last thing he remembered was clutching his Jabot and holding it to his mouth, trying to steady his breath and not choke on his own blood. Blood that had already soaked through it, like water soaks through cloth.

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