Near The End

There are two choices:

One. Leave. Leave everything behind. Go far. Forget everything. Start new.

Two. Jump.

One of the choices seem overwhelmingly easier as I sit, leaning my head on the metal and my legs through guardrails of the bridge. It feels like the water is pulling at my legs, trying to drag me away from the bridge and into the water.

It looks like fifty feet. Maybe a little bit more. I could make it.

It would be a "soft" landing because of the water. Nothing to really hit and break a bone or something. The human body is designed to float, right? So you would go down, but come up to the surface. I might swallow some water, some might go down my windpipe, and that could hurt. I've had water go down my windpipe before, so I know the level of pain.

Unless you hit a rock. That could be painful. Breaking a bone, cracking the skull, the blood. I shudder. I hate the sight of blood. Even of my own. Ninety nine times out of a hundred, I faint at the sight of the smallest red droplet. So if I hit a rock, that's potential injury, loss of blood, I'd faint, and then drown.

Doesn't seem like there's a way of avoiding pain.

But is that true pain compared to what I'm feeling on the inside?

"Miss... Are you ok?"

I jerk my head up, and see a stranger, about ten feet away, kneeling to reach my eye level, one hand on the ground to balance himself. He looks old, about 60 years of age, with graying hair, more gray than black anyway. He has a kind face, but I have trouble trusting him.

Men had never been the most trustworthy entities in my experience.

I nod, turn away and give thumbs up. That should be enough to make him go away. But I can still see him in my peripheral view. He moves another foot closer. Fuck!

"Miss.... Would you like to come back here?" He pats the ground next to him, away from the guardrails.

Are you kidding me? I don't want to come close to you. You'd just be like the rest. You just need me at your arm's distance so you can do whatever you want.

"No."

"Miss?"

"Leave me alone, please. I'm just...... watching the water."

Annoying. So, so annoying.

I can see him sit down. Great! That's what I need. A companion for this. I simply needed a quiet moment. Why the hell does he need to be a part of it?

"I'll wait here with you then."

I roll my eyes and tsk. I desperately want to say, "Who the hell asked you?" but I don't have the mental energy to do so. I stay silent. Continue to watch the water.

Quiet. Thank GOD! Last thing I want is a chatty "neighbor."