Long Weekends

Chapter 02

INTERTWINED PAIN

People often give varied suggestions on how to deal with and get over pain faster. Some of these people will tell a story of their pain as if it equals the one that one is going through. Telling what they would do if they were in their position, as though knowing pain gives someone the right to invalidate someone's pain. Grief is a natural reaction that someone feels when there is a sudden death of their loved one or a person they feel connected to. It may differ if that person gives someone a sense of security or insecurity, either way, they are connected to them which makes a person experience the uncontrollable feeling of grief after their death.

A person who is experiencing grief for the first time may be overwhelmed by the complexity of emotions, which may lead them to make irrational decisions. Additionally, grief may have the ability to numb one's body and devastate one's emotions but it is another form of love. This may not be the first time for Ivan to experience grief but it feels like the first time because he never thought that he would be the one to bury his children, when it should be the other way around. No parent should experience the grief of burying their own child.

Ivan looked around the small house— the playhouse he built for his children. He was over the moon when Blaise announced that they were expecting, because he envisioned a life with her. To live a life filled with laughter and love as they raise their Sol Felipe and his siblings. The twins may have been an unexpected surprise, nonetheless, they have fully accepted and celebrated the good news. Three years in the relationship, they already know that they are ready to be parents and take on a much bigger role.

The playhouse could have been Santi and Saul's safe haven with their cousins and mothers. And now, looking at it as he sat at the floor while hugging the pillows his children used before breaks his heart. Tears were streaming down his eyes when the door opened and Blaise entered.

Blaise did not expect to see him, not the least in that state. Ivan moved further to the corner, making space for her. Words were utterly not needed in that situation, not because the silence was comforting but it is their presence that mattered most. Ivan handed one of the two pillows he was hugging to Blaise and that started the water works for her. It has been more than a decade already and yet the wounds are still as fresh as they were since the first day.

He pulled her closer, enveloping her in his arms, "It'll be okay, mahal."

"It still hurts, mahal. They could have been fourteen-year olds. The future was so bright for them, yet they were robbed of that life. We were robbed of that life of being their parents," Blaise whispered in his chest as she cried to him.

Ivan is the only one who can understand her pain. No amount of group counseling can ever compare to the comfort they give one another. Others may sympathize with them but at the end of the day, they would never know the amount of pain they are going through. Even them, they cannot compare the pain of losing the twins to anything that they have experienced in their lives.

"Saul would have been my riding partner; siya sana ang papalit sa 'yo sa pagsakay kay Mixy, baka siya pa ang sumunod sa yapak ni Patria sa national team. Then Santi would have been a total mama's boy. I am sure of that. Susundan ka niya kahit saan ka pupunta, baby pa nga lang siya noon but he would follow wherever your voice is. Regardless, kung ano man sila sa paglaki sila ay sigurado akong ipagmamalaki nila na ikaw ang ina nila. Baka nga hanggang langit they are bragging how beautiful, intelligent, loving, and great their mother is," Ivan said, his tears streaming down his face as Blaise wrapped her arms around his waist. She buried her face to his chest, nevermind that it's already damp from her tears because if this hug is the only way he can lessen her pain then he would gladly give it to her. Anything to ease the pain, to lift her up again from the weight that they have been carrying for years.