✧.* letters addressed to the fire // drake parker

chapter five

letters addressed to the fire - chapter 005.

nova placed her hand on the doorknob, opening the door to her room. it wasn't messy. everything seemed to have a place and that's how she liked it. drakes eyes scanned the room, taking in the little knick-nacks on her shelf, the color scheme--  it just felt right, that this was where she spent all of her time. there were string lights hanging on her headboard, as well as on the wall across the room. there were different band posters scattered along her walls, but it wasn't too much. they were posters of bands like the beatles, tears for fears, and queen, along with some artists such as david bowie and elton john.

"you have really good taste in music." drake said softly, almost in awe of the setup. the records hung on the wall perfectly complimented the light pink comforter as well as the little accents all around the room. his eyes found a cork board hung up by her desk, pictures stuck onto it. there were a few of people he'd never seen before, some baby pictures of her and her dad, and laid on the desk were a few pictures of her and mindy she'd taken down. 

nova stood beside him, watching his face as he took it all in. "thanks. my dad showed me a lot of music when i was younger." she swallowed thickly, the mention of her dad hanging heavy in the air. 

drake nodded, "so, uh. wanna watch tv?" 

she cleared her throat, forcing a smile. "yes. i do." nova said, searching around her room for her remote, taking a seat on the side of the bed closest to the wall before looking over at him expectantly. he made his way over to her, laying down as his arm wrapped around her shoulders. nova shifted, head rested on his chest, listening to the gentle thump of his heart. "you're not how i expected you to be." 

he glanced down at her. "i... i mean i'm not how i usually am." drake watched as confusion painted her face. "i'm not usually comfortable like this. you make me feel... different."

nova couldn't help but smile, as their eyes lingered on each others. "i like this. i like you." 

drake felt his heart skip a beat. he knew this would be the moment he had to make a decision. commit or run away like usual. his mouth went dry and the words got caught in his throat. he didn't know how to speak anymore. what if he got too close and she ran away? he couldn't handle that. but she didn't seem like the type to run. she knew all of the bad things about him and she still gave him a chance. maybe it was worth it. "i like you too." he said softly. 

"can i kiss you?" nova asked, eyes searching his for answers. for that validation. and when he nodded, she leaned up, hand going to caress his cheek as the gap between them closed. 

something about this kiss felt different than the one they shared in the hallways. nobody was there gawking at them. they were alone together and it felt so natural. nobody ever made drake feel this way, nervous in a good way, longing for more- she kept him on his toes and it was something he could see himself getting used to. his hand moved to caress her waist, pulling her close to him. it was soft, slow, so gentle and tender. she was so careful, like if she made one wrong move he would break into a million pieces. he found himself following instead of leading, and after a moment, they pulled away, breathless. 

"can you help me with something?" nova asked softly. 

drake nodded, "what is it?" 

"there's this guitar my dad used to play, it's buried somewhere in the garage. will you help me get it out? i want to start playing."

he smiled, "trying to learn how to impress me?"

nova felt her cheeks warm and she rolled her eyes. "maybe." she chuckled, leaning her head on his chest again.

drake gave a little laugh, before humming. "yes, i'll help you. want to get it now?" she nodded, and they got up. when they reached the garage, her eyes landed on the corner with all of her dad's old things. she sighed heavily. drake noticed, placing a hand on her shoulder. "are you okay?"

"yes. i'm okay." she said softly. "it's just still fresh. my dad died last year, so we haven't gotten around to going through any of his things." then, she walked over to the boxes, carefully moving some out of the way. "these are heavy, can you help me?"

he nodded, rushing over and grabbing some boxes, placing them aside and scanning the pile for anything that could resemble the shape of a guitar case. after a while of the same routine, drake spotted it, and he carefully placed his hand atop of it, moving a few more boxes and grabbing the case. "here it is. this is it, right?"

nova smiled, gently taking it from his hands, tears welling in her eyes. "yeah. this is it." she took a deep breath, "we can clean this up later. lets go back to my room." her voice was soft, almost shaky. so drake went along with her, following her back to what she liked to call her sanctuary. she went and sat back on the bed, unzipping the case and pulling out the acoustic guitar, her hands running over the body as if she could still feel her father right there with her. drake sat on the floor, looking up at her. he figured it'd be best to give her a moment. she closed her eyes, hugging it to her chest before opening her eyes, blinking the tears away. "i'm sorry."

drake quickly shook his head. "don't be sorry, nova. i get it. missing someone. it's different for you because you obviously knew him a lot better than i knew my dad, but, he wasn't around after i turned 12. he didn't die, he left. or maybe my mom kicked him out. she won't tell me what really happened so, i have to just guess."

she frowned. "do you miss your dad?" 

"not very often, but sometimes i do. i think about what life would have been like if he was better to us. maybe he would still be around. but, it's okay. i'm over it."

"you know it's okay if you're not over it though, right? you don't have to be okay."

her words dug deep into a part of his brain he didn't know was still there. suddenly he couldn't help the memories flooding in like a broken dam. there were some good moments. but the bad outweighed them far more. "it's easier to just say i'm okay."

she put down the guitar, then she moved down to sit in front of him on the floor, grabbing his hands. "i know. trust me, i do. i have to lie every day and say it doesn't eat me alive. but just because i lie, it doesn't mean the feelings i have are just gone. they're just pushed back until i can't do it anymore."

his eyes lingered on her face as she spoke, and when she stopped, a silence hung heavy in the air. "you miss him a lot, huh?"

"yeah. of course." nova replied. "you're not really over it, are you?"

drake found himself chewing on the inside of his cheek as tears stung at his eyes. was he really over it. that's a loaded question that he didn't have the answers to yet. the broad answer was obviously no. but that felt like too simple of an answer. "i want to be over it. but no, i guess not." he was angry, confused, sad, he pitied the little boy who wondered where his dad went, and if he was ever coming back. he felt like an opportunity was ripped out of his hands. 

all nova did was pull him in, wrapping her arms around his torso and holding him close. and from that moment on, he knew that this was so much more than a one time thing.