Negans Dirty Girl

Chapter 1: Pit In Your Stomach

You hated this beating hot weather. The way the sun would linger on your skin for so long until it made you sweat and burn. The way you dragged your weight on tired and aching feet every single day, and the way you had to squint to protect your eyes, making it harder to kill the things that wanted to tear you apart and eat you alive. It made whatever kind of hell this world was in, even worse.

As if the gods had heard you, if even there was one up there still, the days grew colder as you went on, but it wasn't enough to stop the sweat from breaking on your brow each and every time you moved around for too long.

Finally, you and your group made it to hilltop. A small settlement that had survivors, food and supplies. It was a new discovery to you all, and most of your group were cautious and hesitant. The leader of hilltop, being this older guy named Gregory. Something about him...made you on edge. You were always a good judge of character, and this guy? Something was definitely off. He was overly happy, and overly friendly. How could anyone in this world right now be this happy? This lively and ready to take on life, you thought to yourself. All you had knew in this damn apocalypse was pain and grief. You had lost so many...

Lets start with your backstory. The apocalypse started when you were 19. Your name is (Y/N) Peletier. Carol's daughter. Your father Ed, was a abusive piece of shit. He often had hit your Mum, never hitting you however. You were more targeted with verbal abuse. Your younger sister Sophia was also targeted with verbal abuse. You were often the one to pry your Dad away from your mum, stopping the fights. Now often, that would result in a punch or two being thrown your way, but you did whatever you could to keep your Mum safe. Now, when you fell in with your first group in Atlanta, that's when things started to get at least a little better for you. You were surrounded with people and distractions, and even Sophia found a little friend, Carl. Your Mum Carol got along well with the other women, whilst you hung back and created conversation with anyone who wanted to. When the first set of the dead came after your group, people died. And a lot of them. Even your Dad, Ed. You watched him die. He was calling your name for help as the dead bit into him, reaching his hand out towards you. But you were stuck. You didn't move, you didn't help him. For once in your life you felt...relieved. You saw that redemption play out right in front of you, and it felt so damn good. However, you still couldn't bring yourself to killing one of the dead. That was until, Sophia died. That heartbreak that your mum went through, that utter devastation, you grew tired of it. You began to loathe them. Now looking back, you didn't even recognise yourself...

Your thoughts were broken out of when Rick's gruff voice called your name and you looked up expectantly, seeing all eyes on you.

"Sorry, what?" You say with slight confusion, crossing your arms. God, you were completely out of it this morning.

"Pay attention." Rick answered back, his eyebrows furrowed as he looks at you. You nod slowly, reframing from rolling your eyes. Rick had always been like a father figure to you anyways. God, curse having daddy issues and growing attached to any older man you found safety in.

"Right, yeah sorry." You mumbled back. He still treated you like some kid. Half the time it gave you a little comfort, but most the time it made you feel like you weren't respected enough.

As time went on, Gregory explained about his community. But the main reason you came here to help, the main reason above everything, was about this one specific certain man...

"We heard the name Negan." Rick's voice rung out in the spacious room. Negan. What kind of name was that?

"Who is he?"

You knew this was a bad fucking idea. Rick had ended up making a deal with Gregory. A deal to defeat Negan in return for other things. You couldn't ignore that empty pit in your stomach the more and more you thought about it. You never ignored your gut feelings. This time, it almost made you feel nauseous. You had to speak to Rick about this. If this big bad man was so easy to kill and dispose of, then why hadn't Hilltop worked together to kill him? It couldn't of been that hard...right?

"Rick? Can I speak to you for a moment please?" You called out to Rick as he stood there, leant up against the RV you guys were currently travelling in. You felt bad pulling him away from a conversation with Daryl, but this was urgent. Rick excused himself and then joined you, shoving his hands in his pockets as he stood in front of you expectantly.

"What's up?" He asked you. He was looking at you with intent eyes, boring into you. You felt a nervous pit in your stomach. You were never the one to question his decisions or opinions, but this just felt right.

"Well I was just wondering...is this the right thing? I mean, if this guy...Negan or whatever he's called, is such a terrible guy don't you think everyone here would've worked together to take him down?" You spoke cautiously, unaware to how Rick was going to take this. You saw him sigh for a minute and then shift his position to having his arms crossed as his eyes continued to bore into yours.

"We can handle him. Maybe these people aren't as strong as we are. They definitely don't seem it." He pauses whilst he looks at you suspiciously, his eyes squinting slightly like they usually do.
"Why are you acting this way (Y/N)? You're never the one to back down from a fight or even question me at that. You can stay here with some of the others if you can't handle it-"
"No! No I can handle it. I'm just cautious that's all. I've got a bad feeling about all this."

You quickly interrupted Rick before he could speak anymore, not liking how he didn't think you were capable. He nodded once, his eyes still boring into yours.

"I'm sure it'll be fine (Y/N). He's just another one of the people that we've beaten before okay?"

He gives your shoulder a little reassuring pat with a small smile as he leaves. You watch as he does so, and hear the sound of his boots thudding on the hard solid flooring, kicking up puffs of dirt. Once he was gone, you took a breath, trying to calm the pit in your stomach before going back out there. Come on (Y/N). Stop being so pathetic. Your father's voice rings out in your head as you frown in distaste, walking back outside to see everyone getting ready and walking into the RV. Daryl waves you over, motioning you to get inside.

He's just another one of the people your group had killed before, nothing special.

Or at least you thought.