Love him, Definitely... (Carlota Series#1) [Under Revision]

Chapter 15

I Must Deny!

Ijiel's POV

Days easily passed, yet I feel like I'm not my usual self. Hindi ko maintindihan kung saan ba nanggagaling ang...sakit

hindi lang ba ako sanay sa mga pagbabago na nakasanayan ko na? ano pa ba ang mga dahilan?  

Simula ng malaman ko ang lahat, simula ng malaman ko.

"I think he is the one for me, Ijiel.." the last time he told me, nung nasa plaza kami at ilathala niya kung sino ba si Hanz sa buhay niya at kung paano naging sila.

"Tulala ka na naman..." Celestia freed me from my thoughts.

Inangat ko ang mga titig dito mula sa kawalan, tinaasan niya lang ak ng kilay suot ang usual na ngiti.

"sorry...may iniisip lang"

"tell me about it." umupo ito sa tabi ko. Hinarap ko ito at napatanong...

"Have you ever felt jealous for a friend?" mataman ako nitong tinignan.
"ay pasensya na, mali ang pag construct ko ng tanong" agad kong bawi at nag iwas ng tingin.

"what kind of jealousy Ijiel?, the one that is making you crazy, giving you that sting in the heart, making you wish, 'that it should be me'"
she quoted   "and then, since its not YOU that they chooses it's making you cry until you fall asleep?"

I made a face, and mumbled "hindi naman noh, sobra naman toh"

tinaasan niya ako ng kilay "No, I haven't, I've never felt that kind of jealousy for a friend, why do you ask though?" nangunot lang tuloy ang noo ko.

"wag mo nang isipin yun..."

"ok, but you can always tell me about it, sabihin mo sakin kung sino at para masapak ko ng todo" she pinches both of my cheeks at pinanggigilan  "kasi naman who the hell is making my Ijiel this upset? huh? kakausapin ko lang!"

"aray anteh masakit na."

"oops" binitawan niya ako "but seriously though, kung kaya mo ng sabihin saakin kung sino go lang, but I have a very strong gut feel kung sino ang tinutukoy mong friend" she whisper at me saka ako kinindatan at umalis.

I was left there... I was silenced.

I am not used to this feeling! bat naman ganito?!

Is a friend suppose to feel like this?, longing for something... not just with his presence, his attention, but all of him? Kasi putang*na aaminin ko, hindi na tama tong nararamdaman ko kay Font! 

Naiinggit, naiinis at nasasaktan na ako. I can't fall asleep at night thinking out of nowhere and all of the sudden bat ngayon pa? bat siya pa? The pain creeping in my heart... Celestia was right, its making me cry into sleep.

Mababaliw ako sa kaka-deny, Hell I should deny!, F*ck I must deny!

Kinabukasan...

"Ijiel, let's do our 21st century project sa bahay ninyo." bungad niya saakin matapos niyang kunin ang earphones ko sa magkabilang tenga. Vacant namin ngayon at mukhang naisipan na gambalain ako. 

"hindi ayoko." kasi I need to gather my thoughts and I need to get away from you. Saka ako tumayo at umalis. But he grabbed my right wrist, napapikit ako sa hawak niya pero saglit lang yun, bigla rin kasing parang pinipiga ang puso ko.

"why not?" hinarap ko ito at masamang tinitigan.

"Because why not. I can refuse. Bahay ko yun." 

"Eksahadera! Why refuse? nag iinarte ka naman masyado"
tinanggal ko ang hawak nito saakin.