[Gamquius Story]

part 4

You can't help but struggle with the thought; Loving someone of high status is a totally ridiculous idea for you, yet it makes sense for what's happening. You can't help but understand the fact that this is happening to you. Or, maybe, you are in a constant state of denial, and you cannot exactly admit that. Though, that's an extremely embarrassing idea for you, and you will feel slightly guilty for loving a highblood like the way you do, now that you realize and are finally fully aware. Yet, how do you tell him? You don't have the heart to tell ANYBODY like Gamzee about your issue.
" D --> ...What happens now "
" hApPeNs NoW fOr WhAt? :o) "
" D --> For us "
" D --> As a duo and "
" D --> As 'friends' "
Considering the fact that Gamzee will probably never hear you properly talk to him, you might aswell admit everything to him whenever he's in a constant state of bliss due to what just happened. It almost makes you feel quite silly for what's happening here. Though, you're moreso at an inner peace if you just admit you like him, yet you don't know why that happens to you. You'd never like Gamzee romantically, and that's just a fact; Atleast, for a certain somebody like you. Maybe he isn't just a friend for you, but something more, that you can't exactly put your finger on. Not a friend, nor enemy, nor lover.
" D --> I mean "
" D --> Are we even  friends? "
" D --> I seem to have an odd liking for you, Highb100d "
" yOu Do, MoThAfUcKa?? :oO "
" D --> ...Of course I do "
This is embarrassing for you. You don't even know if he likes you back, and you sure as hell know he's too high off of that sopor to pay proper attention to you anyways. Should you even try to ask him THE question? No, no, this shows you actually like him. You shouldn't try to convince yourself that you are romantically attracted towards a highblood that wastes away his glorious bloodline by being a sopor and faygo addict that is generally uncomfortable to be around. Yet, that feels like not the case for you. You somewhat feel comfort around Gamzee.
" ItS a MiRaClE.. yOuS eVeN hErE fOr Me, EqUiBrO.. "
" D --> Really "
" oF cOuRsE :o)) "
These awkward, distant conversations between him and you only fuels your nervous feelings, which causes you to break out in an intense sweat. This sweat is what you're known for, and your folks usually tease you for it, yet it is no joke for you to have an immediate breakout the second you feel even slightly stressed out. Though, being around somebody else calms you down, and that causes you to be less of a sweaty mess. And the person, the only person you're next to, is a guy that can barely keep his act together. Yet, it still works, you're calming down.
" D --> Gamzee "
" D --> Why are you doing this to me "
" dOiNg WhAt? "
" D --> Making me feel so "
" D --> ...Nice "
" My BrO... eQuIbrO... dOnT eVeRyOnE dO tHaT oNcE iN a WhIlE fOr Ya? "
" D --> Of course not "
Don't admit that the next time he asks something like that, because the first thing you see whenever you look over at Gamzee is a face of disgust and concern. Did you do something wrong, or did your words just shock him? Either way, you feel as if it is odd that Gamzee would react in such a way. You expect him to be more broken than a record that got dropped by a child, yet, he seems to have genuine expression on his face. You definitely said something wrong to him, and this only fuels your immense FEAR of being JUDGED. Being around a highblood is already enough, but being close to one is a different story. You constantly feel as if you have to take care of him, and that pressures you into overthinking.
Then, you snap back to some sort of reality. One you don't exactly like, despite you being with it every day. The shadow of the doubt shines over the light, and you can't shake off a certain feeling that you can feel deep inside your gut. Maybe it's just you, but Gamzee acting in such an expressive way is something you've never seen from him before, so this is a completely new experience for you. A new one, with somebody you.. Genuinely like. You genuinely like Gamzee, despite him usually being high out of his mind, and you love him for your own personal reasons, in which you don't have to deal with. Maybe you have just gotten used to his shenanigans, and now, every time you see him, you get a certain comfort that can come out of nobody else.
" D --> Highb100d, are you.. Okay "
" yOu JuS tOlD mE tHaT aNd YoU aCt LiKe ItS nOrMaL... "
" D --> Is that a bad thing "
" D --> Did I disappoint you "
" oF cOuRsE nOt, MoThAfUcKa :o)) "
" HoW dId Ya DeAl WiTh SuCh A lAcK o' MiRaClEs FoR sO lOnG... "
" D --> ...You are back on your 'miracle' talk, Gamzee "
..That is the first time you have referred to him as something other than highblood in a while. You're actually WARMING UP to him, and you immediately shush after you say such ridiculous slander towards the highblood. For you, that is an insult, and for Gamzee, it could might aswell be a compliment. Yet, you do not see the same perspective as him, and you could take some things incredibly out of context, especially in a situation like this, where every conversation with him is limited and special, especially towards somebody like you, whomst obsesses over every detail enough to care about the things you said and did.
He hits you with a warm look, and you immediately turn your head, feeling embarrassment and genuine fear that you are being judged by Gamzee in secret. It is a hard life to not be able to genuinely tell, especially with the fact that he had just presented to you... Genuine feeling, something you haven't seen in a while. You're knocked out of your own little conversations in your head as Gamzee snaps his fingers, trying to direct you towards him. It genuinely worked, and now, you're looking at him with a curious look. What does HE want?
" wHo CaReS... "
" yOu JuSt NeEd To TaKe A cHiLl PiLl, EqUiBrO.. "
" D --> That is very comforting, Gamzee "
..Sarcastic comment, yet Gamzee seems to think that it is real. Oh well. Atleast you're genuinely spending time with him, and that's all that matters for you. Despite all of this, you genuinely "love" and "care" for this guy, after all, but those terms disgust your entire being, so you use it sparingly. This is the most fun you've had in a long while, and it shows, even with your occasional small-talk and the awkward pauses. No wonder you like to be around him.