Mío

Cuarenta y uno

Kaleb's

I can't keep my legs from nervously tapping on the floor while looking at Hans who's just staring at me and Peterson. Nakaupo kami ngayon sa sofa sa loob ng opisina ko habang nakatayo sa harapan namin si Hans.

"Explain now or I will really leave the two of you here." Sabi niya at bago pa man ako makapagsalita ay nauna na si Pete.

"Hansy, I am loyal to you, I promise. But.. I was working with K-Kaleb even before I started working for you." Ani niya na ikinalunok ko. Pete is so straight to the point. Tumingin ako sa mukha ni Hans at wala siyang reaksyon na ikinagulat ko. Seryoso lamang siyang nakatingin saaming dalawa.

"So, what's the real reason why you needed to work for me? To spy on me?" Nagsalita siya at pareho kaming napayuko ni Pete.

"Tell me." He commanded and I opened my mouth.

"I wanted him to work for you to make sure you're okay. I can't afford to not know anything about you or what's going on with your life. I won't survive if I didn't know if you're doing fine or not. That's his job, to make sure you're doing fine, so I can rest my mind." Mahaba kong ani habang nakatingin sakanya at nakita ko ang pag-aalala na dumaan sa mga mata niya. My forehead furrowed and I was confused for a second but he spoke again.

"Was your mind rested?" Maikli niyang tanong at hindi agad ako nakasagot. Inalala ko kung nakontento nga ba ako sa mga pagsabi saakin ni Pete kung ano ang lagay niya. I nodded.

"Yes, naging sapat iyon saakin. I had no other choice. I know I can't afford to get you back when a lot is on my hands. I'm just glad that you were doing fine all these years, you survived." Hindi ko nag-iisip na ani. Natahimik silang pareho ni Pete at saka ko lang na-realize ang nasabi ko. Fuck. He barely survived because of my carelessness.

"I mean—" Magsasalita sana ako para bawiin ang sinabi ko ngunit pinutol niya ang sasabihin ko.

"That's great. That's all I wanna hear." He said that with a genuine smile that I couldn't even speak again. Alam kong hindi naging madali sakaniya, I know what I said was plain bullshit, I didn't think enough and I said the most stupid thing I could've ever said but he's acting like he's happy that I said that.

I know something is wrong, but why are we acting like there's none?

____

Hans

I drank the alcohol inside the glass I am holding while looking at the guy singing his heart out on a little platform inside this cozy bar.

I can feel the heavy shit inside my chest and I know too well why I am feeling like this but I don't even know how I can heal from this.

Tiningnan ko ang selpon kong nag-iingay at si Pete iyon. He knows I am outside that's why he's calling me, while Kaleb knows I am already asleep at Ke Aloha. Simula kasi nang naging maayos kami ay sa condo ko siya lagi natutulog, but today, I said my parents wants me home but I lied. I just wanted to clear my mind and maybe, the heaviness in my heart right now.

Aaminin ko, hindi na ako nagulat pa nang umamin saakin si Peterson at Kaleb, they were too fishy everytime they met. I always see them talking to each other and then sprinting away when I appear, and I've always felt like Peterson's treats me so right that it was too good to be true. And I was right, it was his job to do that. His job was to babysit me for Kaleb.

Natawa ako at naalala ang sinagot saakin kanina ni Kaleb.

I am genuinely happy that he thought that I was fine, because I didn't want him to suffer knowing I wrecked myself because of my own decision to leave him. I was happy that he wasn't as devastated as I was when we were apart. I really do feel like a heavy rock is lifted on my shoulders when I heard that, I realized that Peterson didn't give him a thorough report of what's going on with my life, because maybe he knows it was too heavy for Kaleb, and I am happy about that, I am happy that me being a wreckage didn't pin him down from doing his responsibilities. But I don't understand why tears kept streaming down my cheeks right now.