I despise. - KazuScara

⚀

(Not proofread because I'm very sleepy)

Scaramouche ♡

I can't say I ever imagined confessing to anyone, or even falling in love to begin with. In fact, I thought I despised love.

Honestly, this had started quite a while ago, I had just been putting it off for as long as I possibly could. I didn't plan to share these feelings with anyone but I had to tell my aunt Nahida, she provides me with the best advice.

Her advice for me was to just confess - and be mentally prepared for rejection.
I had laughed it off, thinking the feelings would go away. I would rather die than confess and be rejected.

Yet here I was.

It was Valentine's Day. I had no reason to put this off anymore. I didn't know what I should buy for my potential future boyfriend, so I just went with flowers. It was only a confession anyway, I didn't have to get him something. I just wanted to.

The sky was a bit cloudy today. No sunlight, no rain, just clouds. Watching couples pass by, holding hands, or even kissing, I couldn't tell if I was absolutely disgusted or flustered at imagining that being me and him.

Brushing aside those thoughts, I texted him, asking to meet up with me at our usual spot.

I often think about why I'm in love with him - why he gets me acting like a silly high school girl with a crush. I don't think it could be helped though, he was just perfect in every way. He was so peaceful, so gentle, so understanding. He would listen to all my problems when I needed him to.

How could I not be in love with him?

Soon, he approached me, with a somewhat anxious look on his face.
"...So, do you plan to ask someone out?"
He pointed out the flowers in my hand.

"That's why I'm here actually."
It seems like the moment I said that, he got a bit uncomfortable.
"I hate myself for ever feeling this way for someone.
But I think...
I love you Kazu-"

"I'm sorry, but- I just... can't."

"...What?"
My heart felt like it had been crushed right then and there.

I don't know if I felt embarrassment, sadness, or heartbreak. I didn't think things could get worse but that was when Ayaka spotted us and rushed over, wrapping her arms around Kazuha.
"Kazu~ I was wondering where you went!
Oh- and Scaramouche. What's he doing here?"

I scoffed, there were visible tears building in my eyes. Nahida told me to be prepared for rejection - but I just couldn't. I looked at Kazuha one last time before getting out of there immediately.

"Kuni, wait-!"

I didn't look back even once. Holding the bouquet of flowers, I felt a drop of rain fall into my hand. What perfect timing.

Within a moment, it was pouring down pretty heavily. By that time, the tears had begun falling from my eyes too, blending in with the heavy downfall of the rain.

I dropped down on the edge of the sidewalk, staring at my reflection in the puddle in front of me. Clenching the bouquet tightly, I watched the flower petals drift down into the puddle beneath.

If I had to describe how I felt, the right word would be disgusted. Not with Kazuha - or anyone else in that matter - but with myself. I was disgusted at having such romantic feelings towards someone, only to be rejected halfway through the confession with no hesitation taken whatsoever.

In frustration, I stood up, throwing the bouquet into the puddle and leaving it to decay.

Maybe I should've just stayed away from love.

❀❀❀ Present Time

The ringing of my alarm woke me up for sure. I was usually a very light sleeper and woke up from the slightest sound.

Shoving aside my blanket, I forced my body to sit up, only to lie back down because my head felt dizzy. Throwing the blanket back over myself, I immediately headed back to sleep. I barely slept last night so I could use some extra rest.

After all, today was my birthday, meaning I could spend it however I liked. And I did exactly that, sleeping until the afternoon. It would've been much longer if not for Nahida waking me up.

"Come on Kuni, you have to actually do something for your birthday!"

As much as I didn't want to listen to her, I got out of bed and washed up, making sure my bangs were all set and ready for the thousands of pictures she would likely take of me today.

❀❀❀

Evening had passed and the streetlights were on. I collapsed onto the bed from the exhaustion of having an insane amount of photos taken of me; about 10 in the same poses.

Looking out the window, I wandered through my thoughts, being reminded of how Nahida recommended going out for walks whenever I needed to clear my head. It's not that I had anything on my mind, but I figured a late night walk could be relaxing or even help me sleep better.

After changing into more comfortable clothing, I left the house for a short walk to the vending machine, which wasn't all that far.

It didn't take long for me to reach the vending machine, my eyes scanning the drink options. After I made my decision, I took the drink out of the little compartment at the bottom.

Before I could push the tab open, the can slipped from my grasp, rolling down the sidewalk.
"Ugh... how annoying."
I followed the can, which soon bumped into someone's shoe.

The person reached down to pick up the can and give it to me. This was the moment I saw their face, revealing that it was none other than him.

With that, I snatched the can, turning away. However, he took hold of my hand and pulled me back.
"Kuni-"

"That's Scaramouche to you, Kaedehara."

"Oh."

"Since you have nothing important to say, I'll get going."

"No, wait- Can we please just talk this one time?"

I didn't bother responding and pulled my hand away. I was too ashamed and upset to ever face him again.

...

"...Kuni,
Happy birthday."