Cutting my wounds open

Cause boys wear mascara too

Cutting my wounds, cutting my skin
Underneath I hide all my feelings
Writing my insecurities down
Always showing up but not being mentally around
What if I just need a break and spend some time out of the town
But all of it will be back to square one
When I return
Cause, cause boys wear mascara too
When they're unrooted by their organic roots
Victims of toxic masculinity
Oh, don't come at me
I'm not one of them, it's not true
But I like wearing mascara too

I seal my wounds, I seal my lips
With the pain visible on my face
Due to this hour-long cardiac arrest breaking through the cages of my ribs
I panic and I cure it with my old friend's narcissism
How long will it keep me stable on the edge of a prism?
Introduction of new characters,
I might get replaced by my besties
And they wouldn't post me on their Instagram stories

Lost some weight, and my waist lost a few inches
So maybe, I would sit with the cool kids on their benches
Deep voice, pretty arms
In front of them, I feel like rusted bronze
Yes, I've been losing my mind over that
And my friends never understand
My mind was playing games there
Where I let size 0 mannequins pick what I wear
But it'll be fine I get my head
Outside myself

But all of it is back to square one
Till it's no longer fun
Cause boys wear mascara too
They cry invisible tears
And sometimes it happens to me too
Till the mascara spills and darkens the whole room
We're scared of getting replaced by someone new
I lie to myself, I know it's not true
But man, I like wearing mascara too

Medley of my misery in the fancy, crowded, shiny ballroom
As the clock strikes midnight
Cinderella hates her real self too
In this conflict between my insecurities and my lies
They get on a battleground for the fight
The magic fades away when it's twelve
That's where I cry tears and talk to my actual self

I love wearing mascara too
I love watching bleeding these wounds
Cause boys wear mascara too
Victims of toxic masculinity
Walking on the stairs till they turn slopey
What about the monsoon every night in my room
Too visible, now it broke the news
You'll accept the truth
Cause I wear mascara too
The black and the deepest darkest hue
But man, boys wear mascara too

written by vikshar varma (on 19th october 2022)